Corporations asking for solutions from a Washington they tell to "keep out"

This from John Heider, a fatback working for Rehmann Financial in Ohio: "Washington needs to get out of the way of the financial markets and American business…they need to create some certainty over how businesses should best deploy all the cash that they're sitting on." (AP)

The last sentence is just piss poor speaking. Which they is they’re? Sounds like a comment made by Lewis Carroll’s opium-addicted worm. Well, let’s clear it up. “They” is Washington and “they’re” is the Corporations. Read it that way, because that’s the man’s point.

Maybe someone how such a proposal makes sense, because I’m confused. Is he telling Washington to get out of the while coming up with a solution for – what – helping all these corporations do something with the (evidently) piles of cash which are their perches? Seems that, as follows with being a fatback, Heider wants to have his cake and eat it too. I guess that means it is time for a little ‘off with his head’. It’s a good thing these guys don’t live in 18th century France.

Corporations are sitting on these huge amounts of dough – gobs and gobs of liquid cash while we struggle with a debt crisis that threatens to kill the middle class. So here’s my answer to Heider: Prove your patriotism and help pay off the debt instead squabbling over how much money you’ll lose if you pay higher taxes so that Regular Joe can catch a fucking break, you absolute jackasses.

I’m not wealthy so I have trouble understanding why the wealthy cry so much when asked by the country to kick in a little extra. Maybe if I had more money I would be just as outraged as the Red Rich, but I’m a broke bastard, so my outrage is directed more at the idea that J.P. Fatback and Co. are squatting on dollars that could save the economy because Washington will not 1) get out of the way and 2) offer up a solution. I’m not sure what the logic is here. When someone asks my advice and I am compelled to give said advice I have trouble doing so without being somewhat involved. Rivers don’t flow backwards. And these are supposed to be intelligent people.

I think this country is in crisis because it is run by buffoons. Our leaders in both business and politics have no clear idea of what they’re doing. At least they had better not. Surely there’s no scheme here, eh? I wouldn’t want go into any conspiracy theories. In fact, I think such theories give these people, elected and/or elevated more for charm than acumen, way too much credit in the brains department. The past ten years have shown me that not a single one of these twits has the first clue how to run a country, or spend wisely.

I’m not even sure if they’re smart enough to be greedy. I have not seen Heider on the television, so for now I imagine him as Alfred E. Newman. Shit, I imagine almost every last one of these leaders looking and acting in that fashion, a “What, me worry?” countenance and the same sort of pith which would be very funny if not for the fact that it is also very dangerous since these dumbasses run our lives. I cannot stress that enough. Who sits on treasure while their nation crumbles and then bitches at the nation’s leaders from their gilded throne of greenbacks because the leaders have no idea how to come up with a way for these Warbuckers to invest money without spending a penny?

The good news for the greedheads is that there will be plenty of room to move up for those who know how to broker deals in mergers and acquisitions. How very 1980’s of them. I wonder what Robert Palmer is doing these days. Maybe he should make a comeback. And Huey Lewis. Let’s remind people that it’s hip to be square.

Schools may want to consider adding Chinese and Arabic to the list of languages on the elective, and add Spanish to the curriculum. Psychiatrists may want to consider adding Head-Up-Ass Disorder to their long and distinguished list of Shit That Can Be Wrong With You.

It’s going to be a fantastic year, I think. Don’t be surprised if you see someone looking at you from where once was a nipple. If things keep up this way evolution is going to bend and twist and shove the human head straight up the ass where it apparently belongs.

Leave a comment