Why I Cannot Write About Pizza and Beer

I guess everyone except for the robots (which some of us are) have some days where we get introspective. I realized yesterday while walking through the fantastic, cool night air that I’ve been tossing out next-to-insane opinions to people without much explanation. It only makes sense to spend a little time explaining a few things before I continue my rants from the ethereal sandbox, a list of beliefs I hold dear. This way, people will have something to refer to when they ask: “Where does this lunatic come up with this crap?”

So I give to you ten of my most unshakable opinions. Selah.

ONE: There may be a God, but I’ve never seen the Guy. I figure if He’s there He’s probably too busy waiting to see if the denizens of the Holy Land are going to destroy the West to worry about the everyday problems of the common man. Of course, supposing He is omnipotent, he shouldn’t really have to wait for anything, which is sick and hilarious all at once. But maybe He’s not. I think we’ve got it wrong. I think He’s more human that anyone would like to believe.

TWO: Capitalism Reigns Supreme. In perfect Capitalism, Free-Enterprise and Individualism are the rules of progress. No Welfare, No Big Government, You take care of You. Make sure to get out of your own way and don’t be afraid to wake up and make your dreams a reality. Ignore all detractors. Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead is a great story of ways in which this works.

THREE: POLITICIAN’S CREED: “You can catch more flies with honey than you can catch with vinegar, but you can catch more flies with BULL###! than you can catch with either honey OR vinegar.” All politicians follow this, so it follows that they don’t give a rat’s fundament about you or me.

FOUR: Religion Kills. Almost all wars have been some kind of Jihad, mainly Chrisitian vs. Muslim. People will fight each other in the streets for their Dogma, and it is disgusting, to me. I’m not saying I hate the religious; it is only that the fact that religion kills (and oppresses) is a self-evident truth and one of the main reasons why we are supposed to have separation between Church and State (which we do not have). Everyone has the right to believe in and pray to whatever God or gods they like, but no one has the right to kill over it. “Thou Shalt Not Kill”, right? Unfortunately, I see religion take advantage of and kill more people it helps. And I could write volumes on that subject.

FIVE: Chicago Beats New York and Los Angeles: Really, to me, this goes for all other American cities, and I feel like I’ve lived in enough of them to know what I’m talking about. As for the two I’ve mentioned, so much phony junk comes out of them that it’s a wonder people don’t fall to their knees with gut spasms and/or projectile vomiting on a daily basis. But this is just one man’s opinion….

SIX: The Two Party System Must Go: Republicans and Democrats have not really done anything for us since FDR (save for a dash of Bill “I Didn’t Inhale” Clinton) so it is time for us to force them to move over and give someone else a chance. Libertarians maybe; Ron Paul surely made a mockery of Romneycorn and Snoot and Santorum, but no one will elect him because he really doesn’t fit the Republican mold. A friend of mine suggests we bring back the Whig Party. Maybe we should. It’s time for the Donkey and the Elephant to get out of the House and give someone else a chance.

SEVEN: The Government Is Employed by The People: It is NOT the other way around like people seem to believe. Our taxes pay their freight, and they don’t hesitate to demand their wages, so we should not hesitate to demand that the government actually do something helpful for a change instead of just forcing in these corporate-owned dingbats that will cannibalize the average citizen in the form of destruction of liberty and personal freedom in order to get the biggest percentage of profit possible. We the People have a Right to DEMAND that our government does not TREAD ON us, or else we must demand that the government be reconstructed, no matter the pain. They must be made to EARN our money the way we do, not simply take it for granted.

EIGHT: People Get What Government They Deserve: It would seem that most people have become water-headed lemmings. Be it complacence or Toy-Worship (maybe Flag-Worship) or just downright apathy, people are perfectly okay with some figurehead who dresses better than they do commanding them to live one way. This is Wrong. What’s so funny about it, to me, is that these same people will fight to the death for either their God or their Sports Team but do not have half the guts of the stoned-out Hippies in the late sixties and early seventies. Those tie-dyed longhairs were willing to fight and die (like they did at Kent State) for their version of Freedom; today’s individual is so convinced of their state as a cog in the wheel that they will let anyone in a suit strangle them with a leash, pulling them this way and that as long as, at the end of said leash, they can turn a buck. It is Sad.

NINE: People Will Smile All The Way Unto The Grave: Enough said. Quit grinning and learn your constitution. Know your rights in your state. Stop watching television or playing video games or Tweeting long enough to figure out who you are and what you stand for. Otherwise, you’re all just wading in hip-deep filth, waiting for God to put you out of your misery.

TEN: I Have Faith In Humanity. I know it doesn’t seem that way, but Ye Gods…use your head. Do you really think I’d spend this much time and suffer this much of a headache if I didn’t love people, and want to see them free? This isn’t for me, you know. If it was all about me I’d move into a cabin in the mountains or even build myself a lean-to and live in the woods. I’m not scared, and I have survival skills. No, I don’t want to do that. I do like the way certain things are progressing, there may even be an evolution of consciousness on the horizon, but the government is not going in a way I think ANYONE sane could like. Not if they’re paying attention. So start paying attention. It gets lonely feeling like a small fish swimming in a big pond that seems to be infested with blindfolded piranha.

And that’s me, in a nut. Apply it to whoever you feel may be my reference.


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  • Occupy protestor: "Yeah, maaaaaan! Screw the Man! We don't need any of his crap, yo!" [Quietly sips on his Starbucks coffee.]

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    In reply to Tusitala:

    Most people won't know that you're actually dogging on the same phony people that I love to dog on. They abound, some close, much closer than you'd ever expect. Now, I sound paranoid. Is it paranoid to say that I don't give a fuck if I am paranoid?

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