Archive for October 2013

Fatherly Advice— s#!t my dad told me

“Don’t worry about a thing,” my dad used to tell me. It was one of the few pieces of fatherly advice he doled out in my childhood. He’d always quickly follow it up with a little laugh and: “cuz nothin’s gonna be alright.” Dear Ol’ Dad said that quite a lot. He was known for... Read more »

Free Gift?

I got an offer in the mail the other day for a free gift. A brightly colored, nicely printed brochure told me in a bold, sixty-eight point Helvetica, that if I bought their satellite dish or exercise bike or heart-lung machine, I forget which, these fine folks I’d never met would send me a gift,... Read more »

The Internet Was a Bad Idea

Let me be the first person to say: the Internet was a bad idea. Remember when they called it “The Information Superhighway?” Just like actual super highways allowed our parents and grandparents to go from point A to point B faster and more directly than ever before, giving them access to more parts of the... Read more »

Women in My Life

Less than a day after doctors broke me open like a piñata and performed an emergency quadruple bypass, they had me up and moving around. They’d put my lunch near my bed but just out of reach: “if you want to eat, you’ve got to get up and get it!” They made me take walks... Read more »