Hair Today

So long, hair. It’s been nice knowing you. It was fun hanging out together all these years. We had a good run, you and me. But I’ve noticed you’ve begun pulling away lately, receding. Oh, I can tell. The signs are all there. One look in the mirror (or the sink or my hairbrush) and it all comes out.

There’s no rush, really. You’re perfectly welcome to stay a bit longer. Stay as long as you’d like. I mean, what’s your hurry? Where’ve you got to go?

lil wally jacket

my crew cut when I was 3 or 4

We had some good times, didn’t we? Sure, there was that crew cut when I was really little. Sorry, my mom called the shots back then. I was just a kid, what did I know. But still… It was kind of fun, wasn’t it? Sporty?

Walter HS screen shot

high school hair

We had a blast in high school, right? Remember how long I grew you junior year? Remember our senior yearbook picture? Yessss! We looked like Foghat! I stuck up for you, too, man. Had fights with my parents over you…! They’d be like: “you cut that hair, mister, or I’ll cut it for you!” But I held our ground.

Okay, you were a little mullet-y there for a while, a really short while. And after college, I cut you short again. But I never went back to the crew cut. No Mohawks. I never dyed you blue. And I never shaved you off entirely, down to the skin like a lot of guys do these days.

And then, remember? I grew you out again! Not that long ago you were down past my shoulders, dude! Ponytail, the whole bit. At weddings and funerals, we were rockin’ it Steven Seagal style. Who does that anymore? And I’ve been growing you out again lately. That’s gotta mean something, doesn’t it?

Yeah, well. I know, hair— you gotta go. It was fun while it lasted. I’m sorry we’re having this falling out. I guess I knew some day we’d have to part. That’s what hairs do.

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