10 Things That Suck

There are things that suck in life. Little things. Big things. Annoying things. Here are only the first 10 things that suck from a cranky old guy's very long list:

1. Work
(So, how much did you and your boss agree an hour of your life is worth? Hm. You’re selling yourself cheap.)

2. Farting in Yoga Class
(Bridge pose... Cow pose... Happy baby... It’s 50 minutes of trying not to do a downward-facing pffft!)

3. Cheap beer
(Anything tastes halfway decent if it’s really cold, right?)

original drawing by James F. Russell

4. Expensive beer
($17 a six-pack won’t get you any drunker but you’ll sure look more important at your next block party.)

5. Hair on the Soap
(Straight? Or curly? It doesn’t take a CSI to figure out where this bar has been. Do they make antibacterial soap cleaner?)

6. That Outback Steakhouse guy
(The voiceover announcer in Outback commercials is about as down un-dah as their Aussie cheese fries... Now g-day mate, piss off!)

7. Year-round inflatable lawn decorations
(Inflatable turkeys, Easter eggs, and American Flags are like blowup girlfriends. It may look like love, but it’s something entirely different.)

8. Business jargon
(I expect pushback on this ask but let’s ideate a solve to achieve alignment within the invested players while reaching out to leverage impactful efficiencies and topline key learnings, pluck any low-hanging fruit, drill down to a granular level, and uncover any actionable AOCs. Thoughts?)

9. You’re getting older as you read this
(Makes you think for a second, doesn’t it? And— now you’re even older!)

10. Yodeling
(Part singing, part crying like a coyote stuck in a trap. Quick— name your favorite yodeling song... Yeah, didn’t think so.)


This has been “Something Else Entirely:” Off-topic observations posted on an irregular basis by a cranky old guy on his porch, waving his fist at the neighborhood kids...

“Your Uncle Walter's going on and on
‘bout everything he's seen and done.
The voice of 50 years experience,
he’s drunk, watching the television.”
— Ben Folds


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Filed under: Humor

Tags: sucky things, things that suck

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