Income Tax Day: file me under wimp

Tomorrow is Income Tax Day. Everyone knows that, right? I only know it because my wife has been walking my son through filling out his tax forms. Otherwise I wasn’t really aware of it being anything other than Tuesday. That’s because I’ve never done my taxes. I’m no scofflaw, part of some protest and the... Read more »

My drawer of rejection: purging negativity

I told my psychologist one day during a session about my “Drawer of Rejection,” a comprehensive collection of every form letter, pitch packet, note, or impersonal Xeroxed slip of paper anybody had ever mailed back to me, rejecting the work I’d submitted for their consideration. She asked me, simply: “why?” I didn’t have an answer.... Read more »

Defending Gwyneth: actors are people, too

Defending Gwyneth People hate Gwyneth Paltrow. I’m not exactly sure why. Because she’s pretty? Despite what People magazine said, there are lots of hotter celebrities vying for the nation’s checkout lines. Because she’s an actress? She’s no Meryl Streep but then again, she’s no Pamela Anderson either. Because she married a rock star, the lead... Read more »

Secondhand support: quit persecuting smokers

Let me be perhaps the first person to say: quit persecuting smokers… Let the poor oppressed smoking class puff away in peace. I don’t smoke. I’ve never smoked. (The occasional four drags on a wedding reception cigar before I turn green and puke doesn’t count as smoking.) But I’ll stand by other people’s right to... Read more »

I'm Fadding Fast: I can no longer keep up with fads

Help! I’m fadding fast… I’ve lost the ability to keep up with current fads. It’s not uncommon in people “of a certain age.” The pharmaceutical community is sure to come up with a syndrome for it: Fad Apathy Disease (FAD), Trend Enthusiasm Deficit Disorder (TEDD), Chronic Event Attention Fatigue (CEAF). There’s sure to be an... Read more »

One good thing about my kids getting older

If there’s one good thing about my kids getting older, besides their ability to “pick up a six-pack for your dad on your way home,” it’s not having to sit through another kiddy movie, play, or TV show. None of my kids dragged me to see Frozen. Some families have seen it multiple times. It’s... Read more »

My kid’s an a**hole. Get it?

Sarah Fader’s guest blog in the Huffington Post Thursday caused quite a stir. Ms. Fader is a “parenting blogger” and her latest effort is a little essay about how 3-year-old children are assholes. “…it’s not just me,” she explains. “This is a worldwide epidemic. All 3-year-olds do this to their parents. Something happens to children... Read more »

D#@ks on a Train: Stress of Commuting Can Be Deadly

I’ve been riding Metra downtown and back (with only a short hiatus) for the past 20 years. I think that makes me a veteran train commuter. Last Tuesday was another one of those mornings. It had just snowed the day before, President’s Day. Another five inches on top of the 60-something already dumped on us.... Read more »

Violence Toward Women Strikes a Sour Note

Classic rock has produced a disturbing number of songs over the years that involve violence toward women. I only saw pieces of the 50th anniversary Beatles tribute on TV, but I’d be willing to bet no one performed a heart-felt rendition of Run For Your Life, the Fab Four’s musical homage to jealousy and domestic... Read more »

10 Things That Suck, part 3

There are things that suck in life. Little things. Big things. Annoying things. (First world things, certainly, but still.) And now, from a cranky old guy’s very, very long list of things that suck: the next 10 things that suck: 21. Old Drivers (I get it— their reflexes are slower and their eyesight’s not what... Read more »