I think I may be in a relationship with 'Alexa'

I think I may be in a relationship with 'Alexa'
I think I may be in a relationship with Alexa. She: Amazon robot  Me: Human being/Amazon junkie Not a likely match I admit but hear this: there is clearly something special going on between the two of us. This awkward realization dawned on me the other day when I was out in the world, pumping gas like... Read more »

I'm 18 years sober! (so where is all that "beyond my wildest dreams" stuff?)

Caveat: If you are in the first year of your sobriety, close this tab and go to a meeting. Nothing to see, here. Also: if you are in the first five years of your sobriety, subscribe to my blog at the link up top, bookmark this post, then come back in about a decade. But…if... Read more »

I think I saw God in the Chicago Park District this past Saturday

This past Saturday was the classically beautiful Chicago spring day that comes with a mandate: go outside and play! So my son and I took a basketball to a park near my house to shoot some hoops. As we approached the basketball courts, we saw a group of kids running and yelling and pushing each other around... Read more »
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"Did Ding Dongs always taste like crap?" and other pop culture musings

“Did Ding Dongs always taste like crap” was my original title AND subject of this post. But then I thought to myself, That can’t be your whole post, OSM. You’re a grown-ass woman with a writing degree. You can’t just write about Ding Dongs, silly lady. So I decided, instead, to use this week’s column... Read more »

Could the President of the United States do your job?

Could the President of the United States do your job?
I often wonder: Could the President of the United States do my job? This question is an informal rubric I use to grade the effectiveness of a POTUS’ leadership skills. I feel that the leader of the free nation should have the skills to do my job at least as well as I do it. ... Read more »

All Hail the Queen of Ridiculous Crushes!

All Hail the Queen of Ridiculous Crushes!
I used to believe people when they told me I was “just like them” in the Rodeo of Love. My friends used to assure me that they, too, found relationships tricky, and my oft-barren romantic landscape was not so unusual. But these days I’m more positive than ever that my experiences with romance are fundamentally... Read more »
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On the impending murder of my favorite tree (and the hypothetical Lifetime movie about said murder)

On the impending murder of my favorite tree (and the hypothetical Lifetime movie about said murder)
They are going to murder my favorite tree in a couple of months and I’m absolutely devastated.  I’m talking about the kind of devastation that has me crying so hard on my commute that drivers in the cars around me get uncomfortable if they catch my eye. ‘Willow Smith’ and I have been buddies for nine... Read more »

Sorry, Roxane Gay, but I will not be abandoning the 'Roseanne' reboot with you

Sorry, Roxane Gay, but I will not be abandoning the 'Roseanne' reboot with you
Hey, Roxane. (That sounds pretty casual but I think Ms. Gay would be too formal. What’s the appropriate salutation when you are challenging the opinion of one of the most influential writers of the decade? What says, I respect your work, BUT…) I read and re-read your NYT times piece about your choice to abandon... Read more »

Adults can have bullies, too

Adults can have bullies, too
In adulthood, a bully can take a number of forms: a spouse, a partner, a friend, a co-worker, a fundamentalist, a sibling, a politician, et al. But, regardless of platform, there is one universal truth: bullies haunt. Bullies are mind-thieves: the bullied’s peace of mind gets involuntarily redistributed and relocated to other parts of the brain... Read more »
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An open letter to anyone who has to sit on my couch

An open letter to anyone who has to sit on my couch
Dear anyone who has to sit on my couch: Yeah, yeah… I know. An elephant in the room would be less awkward than my couch. There’s not that many of you. I tend to be a little over-protective of The Ugly Condo, so if you are one of the few people who has made it through... Read more »