Posts in category "Mom of the Year"

What does the Fox News say?

What does the Fox News say?
So Fox News contacted me. What the Fox? *** After I hung up with the producer, the first person I called was my Republican, Florida Panhandle-living, retired Air Force Lt Col Dad. Ring! Dad: Hello? Me: Hi, Dad! Want to hear something that will blow your mind? Dad: no. Me:……. Me:……. Me: Really? Dad: Yeah,... Read more »

A eulogy for a(nother) dead houseplant

A eulogy for a(nother) dead houseplant
Sorry, Dead Houseplant. I had the highest hopes when I brought you home from the Home Depot plant shelter.  I remember carefully placing you on the car floor, then bracing your sides to avoid a spillover. I was so sure this was the year: that you were going to be my first beautiful summertime flower... Read more »

OMG OMG OMG! Can we please talk about that tv show "Hoarding: Buried Alive"?

OMG OMG OMG! Can we please talk about that tv show "Hoarding: Buried Alive"?
Welcome to the first post of the second year of “my so blogged life.”  It just seems right that we should begin this second year with a post about that show Hoarding: Buried Alive. (spoiler alert: not for the squeamish..) I have only recently returned to a life with cable, and am still trying to... Read more »
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5 year old: "Mommy, today I saw poop in a cup!"

5 year old: "Mommy, today I saw poop in a cup!"
It was like any other day in my five year old’s kindergarten life. School. After school program. Being picked up by Mom. Dinner. An episode of Johnny Test on the Roku. A regular Tuesday by any standards. At about 7:30 PM, I was sitting on one end of the couch, with G on the other. ... Read more »

The ADD observation deck: Dollywood

The ADD observation deck: Dollywood
Get ready for some things I noticed from my ADD Observatorium on my recent visit to Dollywood. 1. Dollywood is a parallel world Dollywood is beyond All Things Fascinating. It is a Bad Ass Parade of Humanity that I watched shuffle past a charred pig on a spit, barrel rolling itself to nowhere. In my... Read more »

Target Gift Cards are gateway drugs

Target Gift Cards are gateway drugs
It was one $25 gift Target gift card. I was going to use it to buy car mats for my car. I warned G that we would not be long in Target. No dilly-dalleying today, son. We were gonna make like SoCal burgers: In and Out. It seemed logical to get a few staples while... Read more »
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Letter to a new mom: Here are the 3 best pieces of new mom advice I've got

Letter to a new mom: Here are the 3 best pieces of new mom advice I've got
The always inspiring Mary Tyler Mom has presented the ChicagoNow community with a call to action. (If you are not familiar with MTM, maybe go visit her site when you got some spare minutes….She’s good people.) Today, in honor of Mother’s Day 2014, she has invited us to offer our best new mom advice. And... Read more »

A message for the crappy Mom in Target, yesterday

A message for the crappy Mom in Target, yesterday
Hey, crappy Mom in Target. YOU’RE BLOCKING MY AISLE, DUMMY. MOVE YER ASS OVER! What? You don’t like getting yelled at? Hmm….I would have thought that you would have considered yelling to be a very effective form of communication, seeing how you just yelled at your little girl to BE QUIET, SIT DOWN, AND STOP... Read more »

The shocking truth about Grandma's Pancakes: REVEALED

The shocking truth about Grandma's Pancakes: REVEALED
Have a seat, son. G, honey, stop throwing pillows. Please. Put them down. Sit here next to me, sweetie. Hands off your penis. Good. Mommy is going to tell you a story. This morning, your Grandmother is preparing for you a stack of fluffy, piping hot homemade pancakes. But they are a lie. Or, at... Read more »
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Me Versus G: The Marshmallow Gun Edition

Me Versus G: The Marshmallow Gun Edition
For Christmas, G’s Aunt Kelly bought him a marshmallow gun. (Thanks, sis!) You know the kind. It’s plastic, and it shoots tiny marshmallows. For what it’s worth,  I do not really “get” the concept of the marshmallow gun. If you shoot the marshmallows inside the house, you risk losing the little buggers, and then getting... Read more »