Category: blah blah blah

Life lessons from a dollar store clerk: 'Watch your mind, ma'am.'

Life lessons from a dollar store clerk: 'Watch your mind, ma'am.'
Quick true story: Last week I stopped by a dollar store to stock up on gloves and hats for some disabled folks I knew who might be needing them for the looming sub-zero temperatures. As I pulled into the parking lot listening to the news about Stone and Wikileaks and political awfulness blah de blah,... Read more »

20 Bomb-Ass Reasons I haven't written a post in three weeks

20 Bomb-Ass Reasons I haven't written a post in three weeks
Hey, everyone! Hope your summer has been as fresh and funky as a 90’s sitcom.  When OSM returned in February (whut) I committed to a column a week, yet in August I only managed to post on the 1st and the 13th. WTH? SMH. So now I’d like to explain why OSM has been MIA, OK?... Read more »

All Hail the Queen of Ridiculous Crushes!

All Hail the Queen of Ridiculous Crushes!
I used to believe people when they told me I was “just like them” in the Rodeo of Love. My friends used to assure me that they, too, found relationships tricky, and my oft-barren romantic landscape was not so unusual. But these days I’m more positive than ever that my experiences with romance are fundamentally... Read more »
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If I had bet my car that I would never mention the J. Geils Band in this blog I'd be taking the bus tomorrow

If I had bet my car that I would never mention the J. Geils Band in this blog I'd be taking the bus tomorrow
When I was getting my hair done the other day, my hair color guru inquired about something I had brought up on a previous visit. “Didn’t you say something about a couple of friends being really sick or something?” she asked. With a lead in like that you’d think I would immediately recall this conversation... Read more »

Yesterday I was "that asshole reading the Lena Dunham book in the airport"

Yesterday I was "that asshole reading the Lena Dunham book in the airport"
Yesterday I was “that asshole reading the Lena Dunham book in the airport.” Reading Lena Dunham didn’t necessarily make me an asshole. It wasn’t even that I was reading in the airport that made me an asshole. It was that I bought that book and then read it in the airport that made me an asshole. If I was reading... Read more »

Extra! Extra! Read about the great fish tank disaster of (early) 2017

Extra! Extra! Read about the great fish tank disaster of (early) 2017
There was a fish tank disaster in my home last week. This is the first time I’ve been able to talk about it. I had three fish tanks. (Not in a gross way. Not in a terrarium-with-a-snake-in-the-bathroom kind of way, no.) Long story short: 2 baggies of carnival goldfish winnings +  1 adult with addictive... Read more »
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Was Phyllis from "The Office" at a BP/McDonald's hybrid in Chicago this past weekend?

Was Phyllis from "The Office" at a BP/McDonald's hybrid in Chicago this past weekend?
This past Sunday evening was warm and balmy enough to take the dog on a proper walk. The neighborhood flickered awake in a magical Harry Potter kind of way. Nighttime in my ‘hood reveals a secret world unseen in the sunlight. A tipsy, skinny woman pet my dog and told me she was moving soon and... Read more »

Magic! Mystery! Manipulation! (A makeup manifesto)

Magic! Mystery! Manipulation! (A makeup manifesto)
I don’t normally wear a lot of makeup. In fact, most days I just slap on some MAC foundation and walk out the door, my hair still wet. If I’m running late, I’ll even go “au naturel,” NBD. I make this choice partly because I lack the skills to paint with one eye closed on a canvas... Read more »

David Brent the Rockstar, Nepotism in Schitt's Creek, and One "Horizontal Monday" at a Time

David Brent the Rockstar, Nepotism in Schitt's Creek, and One "Horizontal Monday" at a Time
One of the tools I use to disentangle my mind from the roller coaster of Trumpfuckery is the television.  This past Monday was particularly excessive – it was a total crash and burn day. I had planned to go to the office to get some stuff done but it wasn’t in the cards: it was... Read more »
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It's like our new step-dad is a real motherfucker but our Mom just can't see it

It's like our new step-dad is a real motherfucker but our Mom just can't see it
“Mom, why are you marrying this dude? He’s, like, the worst guy I’ve ever met in my life.” “That’s your opinion, honey. I think he’s unique. He’s not afraid to speak his mind, even if it’s unpopular stuff to say. He tells me what I want to hear.” “He’s a bonafide narcissist, Mom. He says... Read more »