My Facebook Mental Breakdown

My Facebook Mental Breakdown

So I had a Facebook Mental Breakdown. It happened this past Saturday.

Uncle.

Man Overboard!

#throwsdownawhiteflag

It was inevitable, I suppose..

***

My factory issued body comes with two eyeballs, two “earballs,” and dominion solely over that which is directly in front of me. At my baseline, I am privy only to my thoughts, the twitching and stirrings around me, and the occasional rumblings of The That, hidden in mostly unreachable places.

But, you know....technology. In this day and age, the concept of “living under a rock” is on a dimmer switch.  We now have cell phones, GPS, Bluetooth, Skype, Facebook. Twitter, and whatever the holy hell “Google +” is/was, all of which was designed to put the world at my fingertips.

Now, normally, I love the landscape of social media to pieces. I enjoy feeling connected. In small talk, I often joke that I live in a virtual condo on Facebook, and people rarely find that joke amusing.

But this past Saturday, I reached critical mass. I became part of one Facebook thread too many, and my social media Jenga brain reached its tipping point.

In one click, the overwhelming Wealth of Information melted all common sense. Endless Possibility neutered my ambition. The world suddenly seemed a laughable giant, and way too Goliath-ey for David to stand a chance. A cloak of invisibility was yanked over my head from behind. I was splattered, eyes open, across a windshield that wrapped around the globe. The Din of the Vast dwarfed all the small, still voices at my service. I felt a solitude, the magnitude of which I cannot recall from previous experience.

I was taken down by the allure of The Everything.

***

Ah, yes. The Everything. It's been a while, but I remember you: the totality of things out there that everyone else is doing/having/being.

So seductive.

So enticing.

So needy.

So ravenous.

So insatiable.

***

I remember chasing The Everything in college, fearing I would be Left Behind after The Everything Rapture. Fearing that good things would leave me in the dust if I wasn't everywhere all the time. I eventually lost my way chasing that tricky mirage, then had to crawl back, one golden coin at a time.

***

At least this time around, I know why I am so shaken. I now know that when I focus on the bright light of The Everything for too long, I go blind. I mistake The Everything for the destination, when in truth, it is simply the scenery alongside my route.  I forget that all that crap that pours in from the outside is the Effect, not the Cause.

Now that I am on the other side of my core-shaking, social media-induced mental breakdown, it feels like it’s time to recalibrate how much space The Everything takes up in my life..  And that can only be done by going Airplane Mode on my electronics a bit more often.

(In truth, I'm not completely on the other side of this, yet. Four days later, I'm still a little shaken...)

It means I have to resist the (perhaps) irrational fear of the Everything Rapture.  I must have faith that I will be okay, even if I don’t worship the God of The Everything.

It means going back to my original factory settings, then sitting on my couch/my balcony/my beach for a good long while, using only my standard issue eyeballs/ "earballs" to usher outside information into my brain.

It means focusing on the immediate, and staring down the beauty in my general vicinity.

So, if you need me anytime soon, I’ll most likely be at the beach with my kid…..

***

That's my piece, and that's my peace. Thank you for taking the time to read my silly words. It means the world. Carry on...

Old Single Mom

Previous posts:

"Mommy, today I saw poop in a cup!"

10 things I've learned in the 14 years since my last drink

I hope I don't get verbal diarrhea when I meet Oprah
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