I Can't Believe How Much I Don't Give a Crap About the Baby King

I Can't Believe How Much I Don't Give a Crap About the Baby King

Wow, I really don't give a crap that there is a new King.

I am surprised that I feel NOTHING. I mean, I loved Diana. We all loved Diana, right? She was crazy. She was sad. She had that demur, mischievous smile.  She had hair that feathered perfectly. She was the outsider, the commoner chosen to enter the kingdom by way of  some creepy virgin lottery. She unwrapped the single Golden Ticket. Diana was the Last Real-Life Princess.

And then we watched what she did for those two little boys of hers, oh Lordy! It was the stuff of Disney Movie Plots: “And once inside the walls of the kingdom, the fair princess with the giant heart said, “Here, sons, here is how you be NOT a stuffy, privileged, distant kind of King. I will teach you to be real men. Men before Kings!”  (The music swells..).

And then she died in that stupid car crash. I was waiting on tables, badly, at Charlie’s Ale House on Navy Pier when I heard the news. It was stunning. I wept like a baby that night. Sure, I was also pretty drunk. About 15% of those tears were probably just cheap beer leaking out of my eyeballs.  But the other 85% of those tears rode out on waves of profound sorrow the night the last Last Real-Life Princess died.

Diana's magic lingered for a good while after her tragic death.  We watched the boys grow up in the afterglow of their Mother’s fierce lessons she taught them about empathy and humanity. We watched their father marry his true love, and, in the end, felt pretty good about that. We couldn’t deny Charles the love of his life! Sure, he should have done that in the first place, but don't we all struggle with issues of Parent-Pleasing?  Go on, you two! Have fun.

I think, for me, Diana's magic began to fade when William began losing his hair. The two things, in my mind, were directly related. It was when he began to resemble his Dad more than his Mother’s Boy that I took my leave of the Royals.

(And then there was naked Harry….. sigh I always knew that boy was trouble)

I think William probably escaped the Charles Curse. He certainly seems to love Kate.  There didn’t seem to be any pressure from the inside to pair him up with a pretty virgin. But without Diana’s presence, I feel a slide back to “business as usual” for the Royal Family.

So, to this Baby King I say this:

Hey, Baby Boy:

Bad news, little dude. You’re a King.  What does that mean? It means that hundreds of years ago, your ancestors had considerable power. You do not have the power of a King, but unfortunately, you still have the responsibility of being a King.

Nope, you can’t be a plumber. Nope, you can’t be a veterinarian.  Rodeo clown? Absolutely not. You’re a King. Sorry, dude. (Silver lining: You’re a billionaire..so there’s that.)

Maybe you’ll like it. Who knows?   And maybe you will usher in a new generation of magic for the Windsors. Your lovely grandmother proved it could still happen, even to a modern monarchy.  It would be nice to see it happen again. But I’m not counting on it.  I think it took the friction of an outsider to spark the Magic. And you are not an outsider. You are right smack dab in the middle of that silliness.

Good luck, little dude. And sit up straight. You’re a King.

Thanks for reading, and Carry On..

Old Single Mom

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