Dammit! I just get finished announcing to the world through ChicagoNow: "Hey, errrbody! I'm single! Woo hooooo! Look at me dressed in fishnets, standing next to an orange truck on Milwaukee Avenue, pointing to the Chicago sky! I don't need No One!!! Yeeee hawwwww! I'm completely impervious to the consciousness of togetherness! Rock and Roll! *shoots pretend finger guns at the sky* No one else can use the term Old Single Mom on Facebook for all of eternity, because that's ME, bitches. Oh, and Singlehood can be both fun and fun-ny! Here, I'll prove it..."
And then Susan Boyle takes me out at the knees with one MSN headline:
Susan Boyle is ready for love? Why is this so unsettling to me?
Oh, and get this shit. Susan Boyle even takes my own song and dance from my my first post. Here is a quote from the same article:
"I believe in letting things happen naturally and not shopping for a man on the Internet. If my soulmate is out there then I will find him, but it won't be on a computer."
(Not so original now, eh Old Single Mom?)
We all know the Cinderella story of Susan Boyle, the woman we all thought was going to suck on Britain's Got Talent, 'cuz, well, look at her, and then she busted out with a stunning rendition of "I Dreamed a Dream," forcing us all to re-examine both our shallow, quick judgements and those dusty dreams we had shoved to the back of the top shelf in our closet. And, after seeing her performance, we thought maybe - just maybe - the Universe held possibilities unseen by our finite minds after all...perhaps we still had a shot at the Mindblowing! If it could happen to Susan Boyle, why not us?"
That Susan Boyle.
And she had been an Old Single Not-Mom. Kinda even seemed fine with it. We had to wrestle this into our paradigm. We had to make sense of her relatively contented single-ness, and some of us probably did so with some not-so-kind conclusions. And while we did that all that inner work around the Scottish Lady Who Could, she got a makeover, sold out music halls all over the world, became a millionaire many times over, and still enjoyed her local coffee shop. So why now, Susan? Your dreams have come true. Why are you ready for love, now?
Because she wants someone with whom to share it all.
Yeah, yeah, yeah....all she has to do is go to one of a gazillion "We Love Susan Boyle" fan pages to find adoration: real people who have real love and real compassion and real concern and respect for this woman who has obviously touched the hearts of millions of people. That shit is all real. She is "not alone" in her journey.
My guess: Susan wants someone on the couch.
Susan wants someone on the couch for that day when she gets into a big, scary disagreement with her musical director. She wants someone to say, "You guys love each other..it's just a creative difference.....you will work this out. Don't panic."
She wants someone on the couch who is there when the good numbers come in, and who connects with the joy in her eyes.
She wants someone on the couch who is there when the bad numbers come in, and then says to her, "Fuck 'em. Keep going."
She wants someone on the couch who, when she reaches the point of exhaustion, tells her to go to bed.
She wants someone on the couch to say, "That song is okay, I mean you sing it well...but it's not really you." Then smiles.
She wants someone on the couch who is so magnetic that walking away from her computer happens, periodically, throughout the night.
Susan wants someone on the couch in the room with her when she is on the phone with Bank of America, fighting for a dignified short sale. She wants the person on the couch to "put up their dukes" while she in on hold, as if to say, "Go get 'em."
She wants someone on the couch who sees her keys that have landed in an inexplicable place in the home, and who, without a word, picks them up and returns them to the table so she won't have any trouble finding them in the morning. (Bonus: She would want someone on the couch who never once made her feel bad for having made the keys end up on top of the fan blades in the first place.)
She wants Cranium Smashing Magic on her couch.
I feel ya, Susan. (ps... my mom loves your Christmas album!)
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