I walked into work one mild morning wearing gloves. My boss laughed and asked why I was wearing them. "To protect against age spots" I said. He erupted in laughter. The older I get, the more I hate my thin, veiny hands. I try to ward off making them uglier from sun exposure by wearing gloves or sunscreen whenever I can.
It's a sad day as a woman when you see something you like then have to truthfully ask yourself, "am I too old to wear this?" Like Uggs. I love my cozy Uggs, but lately when I wear them I feel a bit...Uggly.
I recently got rid of my halter tops. I tried them on and took pictures (a picture says a thousand words, as they say). The pictures made it plain and clear that sadly, I was too old for these garments. But in a way it was kind of a proud moment too. Like- "Look, I'm growing up! And there's nothing wrong with that!" This is a good tip if you are on the fence about keeping something. Take pictures of yourself wearing it and study the pictures. Or wear it for a day. I guarantee you will have your answer by the end of the day.
I glanced up once in a drugstore and saw myself on a video screen being recorded. Confused, my brain asked, "who is that middle aged woman?" I mean, when did I get to be middle aged? I no longer recognized myself as a young and fun person, but rather as a plain jane, boring, run of the mill adult.
As soon as I hit a birthday these days, I look in the mirror and instantly think I look so much older. I see new lines and sagging on my face. Like yep, I can see the difference a year of aging has brought to me.
Having to bend down now entails consideration, discomfort and a groan if I do decide to do it. I try to plan and combine my bending downs to pick up multiple things at once. Lately sometimes when I drop something on the floor I get really upset. The prospect of having to bend down and retrieve it just exhausts and weakens me.
I prefer new radio to music (or nothing- sometimes PEACE is the best noise of all). I never understood this choice among older adults and now I am among them.
I am never able to finish a movie before falling asleep. I asked my mom the other day, "is this it? Am I forever doomed?" She answered yes, don't expect it to ever improve. Once you reach that point, you will never again be able to stay awake for an entire movie. Now I just accept this new reality and watch my movies in stages.
At 39 I am noticing a lot more cellulite all of a sudden. I fear what age has in store for my neck after reading Nora Ephron's "I Feel Bad About My Neck".
I am now relenting to the fact that I have to invest in some shapeware, as I feel a bit...droopy. When I was young and had that perfect body, I never fully appreciated or took advantage of that fact until it was too late. I just never thought about it because it was fine and I had no issues. I couldn't appreciate having no issues because I didn't have any issues, if that makes sense! I bought a bikini, which I never wore because I had no self confidence to wear it. Oh the irony.
I can never drink coffee in the morning before work. Because within an hour's time during my commute, Mr. Bladder is going to send out an alarm. I look at others on the platform holding and sipping their giant mugs and wonder how do they do it?
I am afraid to sneeze. A good sneeze usually forces your body to contort. I remember as a kid, getting a good chuckle out of a baseball player that sneezed and strained his ribs, forcing him to miss a few games. I thought that was the silliest, most unbelievable freak thing. Now I know this is no joke! I try to get in a good position before I sneeze where I will not strain anything, but this is not always possible.
It is harder to put on complicated sandals or polish my toenails. And I am still thin. Now I have to resist yelling for the husband everytime I want to put on my strappy sandals with three buckles per foot.
I will now talk out differences rather than quietly seething on the inside, because even though it is still very difficult for me to assert myself as I hate confrontation, the inner seething is actually worse. I just ask myself what's the worst that could happen, take a big breath, rehearse some things in my mind and go for it.
I am not as limber. My muscles are stiff. I certainly cannot touch my toes (but then again I never could). This probably means I should stretch more but stretching is boring as hell.
In the end though, I realize growing older is a privilege and hopefully we all get there. It really is a blessing in disguise.
Filed under: getting older