An Open Letter to Hockey

Hey old friend-it’s me again.

Yea from the early 90’s….and yes we’ve "hooked up" a few times more recently.

Well I know in the past you’ve said "Oh you only come around when you need something, when you’re desperate..and then when you find something better you move on".

I wanna say that although you were wrong in that assessment, I’m sincerely sorry you felt that way, really.

That said, I need you again.

I know what you’re thinking-"You must think I’m really dumb".

Look I know the NBA has a Lockout going on….and I’ll admit I do miss Derrick Rose….god do I miss him. I also can’t deny that Chicago baseball was an unequivocal disaster, much like the movie Halloween 3. I mean what was with the masks? Where was Michael Myers? It just didn’t make any God damn sense…sorry..I digress.

And yes, I know the Bears are mediocre at best, and that these next 11 games are destined to be nothing more than the quintessential rearrangement of deck chairs on the Titanic.

But I assure you, none of that is why I’m reaching out to you!

I know it’s hard for you to trust me. I know that in the past I’ve just abruptly left you without saying goodbye. Or that I’ve sometimes offered less than believable reasons for my breaking things off–(e.g. "When is someone like me gonna break the color barrier in hockey-I don’t see any 50% Mexican 25% Italian 25% Irish Guys out there-I can’t relate to this..I can't do it anymore!" )

But that’s the old me! I know this feels like the equivalent of a late night drunk call from a desperate guy who will say anything to hook up…but…I assure you it’s so much more than that. I’ve grown. No more trying to trick you by referencing Alexander Ovechkin for no reason…or by conspicuously and opportunistically wearing my one Hawks shirt.

Why doesn’t Derrick Rose have a Twitter account?

I promise things will be different this time.

Please, I need you for at the very least two weeks.

Be Good Friends,

@koolking83

 

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  • "And yes, yes I know the Bears are mediocre at best, and that these next 11 games are destined to be nothing more than the quintessential rearrangement of deck chairs on the Titanic."

    This made me laugh, very very hard.

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