Getting My Daughter to Understand that Bad Moms are Real Moms

My kids love to watch videos on the computer. My oldest daughter is particularly obsessed with videos made by super moms. The ones that paint their lives perfect on their fresh internet canvas. At first I didn’t mind her watching them. They were innocent enough. There were no swear words. There was no nudity. There... Read more »

Dallas Sniper Attack is Every Police Family's Worst Nightmare

Sitting here trying to explain to my kids why someone would kill police officers. All I can come up with is to tell them to just pray for the policemen and their families. Pray really hard. What happened last night in Dallas terrifies me. Police Officers are being assassinated for doing their jobs. I originally... Read more »

How to Get This Bloated, Apple-Shaped, Postpartum, Borderline Alcoholic Bod That Dreams Are Made Of

The question I get asked the absolute most by people is, “Do you really drink as much as you say you do?” The answer is no. Of course I don’t. I could never write about how much I actually drank or my kids and house and liver would be taken away. The second question people... Read more »
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My Summer Rules for Kids That Refuse to Raise Themselves- Feel Free to Print and Frame

Now that summer is here I feel the need to reiterate some of the basics. In order for us all to survive, I’d like to take this opportunity to go over some of the ground rules. Eating. I don’t care what you eat. As long as I don’t have to assist you in any way,... Read more »

It's Summer. Out With the Bras. In With the Booze.

I really didn’t think this day would ever come. But it is finally here. The first day of summer! And it’s raining. Which makes it even more perfect. I’m still in my jammies. Still drinking coffee. Still don’t have a bra on. Because I don’t have to. Because I’m a freaking teacher. I’ve had to... Read more »

Dear Brock Turner, I Drink to Get Drunk. Not Raped.

I have really always felt like I was put on this Earth to change the world. I was born for a reason. And I finally know why. I was put here on God’s green Earth to be an advocate for drunk women everywhere. And I’m up for the challenge. I consider myself an expert on... Read more »
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If It Was My Kid That Got Into Harambe's Enclosure, I Would Have...

Who cares what I would have done? I don’t know what the hell I would have done. Because I wasn’t there. I learned a long time ago that I can only write about what I know. I’ve tried writing about other things and it just doesn’t work out. I’m really only an expert on being me.... Read more »

We Need to Stop Using the Word Gay as a Derogatory Term. Now.

I am a writer. I love words. Words have power. Words have the ability to make someone feel amazing. Yet they also have the power to cut someone like a knife. When I was growing up, it was perfectly acceptable to use the word gay. It was used to describe something you thought was stupid... Read more »

More Amazing Comments I Have Received. Some People Are Really Mean. And I Love It.

I would like to thank everyone who left a crazy-ass message on my blog. Without you, I wouldn’t have a topic to write about each month. And the messages get better (worse) and better (worse) each time. Candy Hello. Are you a supplier for a wire hanger making machine? It was hard to read this... Read more »
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I Have Finally Found the True Meaning in Mother's Day. Me.

A few weeks ago I got an invitation to attend a Mother’s Day Tea and Fashion Show at my daughter’s school. My initial thought was I can’t go because I have to work. I told my five year-old this. She was upset. Like all my kids are when they ask me to do something and... Read more »