Confessions of a serial rule follower

Confessions of a serial rule follower
Fun summer reading

I like to have fun. Really, I do!

I like to laugh, I like to live it up, but I have a confession to make.

I'm a serial rule follower.

I'm not talking about the um, sip of wine (or something like that) I had before I turned 21. I'm talking about your everyday run of the mill grown-up type rules.

I started thinking about this when I read Swirleytime's TSA's Instagram Account Shares Photos of Confiscated Contraband. After reading that, you would think I wouldn't be so concerned about my (kind of liquid?) lip gloss that I sweat over in the security line. You see, I'm convinced I'm going to inadvertently break the rules.

Walking into the airport during our last flight, I immediately threw out a huge bottle of water. As I was tossing it, someone from the airline yelled to me, "You don't have to throw that out yet!" Too late. I didn't want it to be in my bag where I would later forget only to get sent in for questioning.

I could picture it now. A dark room with a single light bulb. "And why were you planning on smuggling that bottle of water into the U.S.? Is there something we should know about you?" Followed by me immediately being put on the lifetime "no fly" list.


Breaking the law? More like, are we supposed to do that?

Another rule. Stay on the path. We love traveling and hiking in the great outdoors. There are plenty of reasons to stay on the path including getting lost or falling off a cliff. That probably won't happen if you're taking a shortcut across the grass at a community park, but still. I'll take the sidewalk.

Bringing food into stores. The husband likes nothing better than stopping to get a cup of coffee that he can drink while shopping. Looking for a new couch? That's grounds for a piping hot cup.

The first time I saw him do this, he was 24 and drinking out of one of those plastic soft drink cups big enough to carry a small child. We were about to walk into the store when I asked, "Are you supposed to bring that in?" He said something along the lines of being an adult and there weren't any signs that you couldn't bring food or drinks in.

Still, I wasn't convinced. I kept eying the employees the whole time wondering if they were hitting the panic button and calling in the SWAT team. That would be my cue to pretend I didn't know him and slink away.


Speaking of food, let's talk about people who eat while they are in the grocery store. The other day I saw a woman trying grapes out of several different bags. I hovered extra long over the cartons of strawberries to make sure my eyes were not deceiving me.

I'm not sure if she was trying to see which bags had the better grapes or maybe she was really hungry. Either way, it blew my mind. Other times, I've seen people break open a bag of cookies and chips and get to snacking while perusing the aisles. Daredevils, I say!

I almost get nervous just watching that go down. I'm not judging people who do it. In fact, I think they must have a pretty "can do" attitude. I have a "you can't do that attitude" which is really boring practical.

I've also never shoplifted before, yet I'm convinced that I'm going to set off alarms whenever I walk out of the store because I'm afraid of breaking a rule I haven't broken. Yes, this rule follower is not only keeping it clean, she's also paranoid. It's a win-win combination of cool.

I guess it wouldn't hurt to get a little crazy sometimes. In the words of Royal Temenbaum, I just might have to start "taking it out and chopping it up." I'll report back from my jail cell.

For more fun and adventures from The New Abides, please follow me on Facebook and Twitter!

To subscribe to The New Abides, type your email address in the box and click the "create subscription" button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.

Filed under: rules

Leave a comment