Derrick Rose is having a baby: What it means for the Bulls

Derrick Rose is having a baby: What it means for the Bulls

Apparently, Derrick Rose is having a kid. I, personally, don't know if Derrick Rose is actually having a kid. I don't have any sources. But the rumor mill is churning with speculation that Derrick's longtime girlfriend is expecting (The rumor is that she's 7 1/2 months pregnant -- Which is pretty pregnant. I now expect TMZ-Chicago to snap up a shot of her, then photoshop it so it looks like she's 25 months pregnant and then say that Thibs is actually the father.)

*In full disclosure, the person claiming she is pregnant is Terez Owens, which I assume to be the love child of Perez Hilton and Terrell Owens. On the scale of reliable sources, with Jesus being the most reliable and James Frey being the least, I'd put Terez Owens a little below anyone from the Bleacher Report.

Also, the Sun Times is now reporting it as well. And Derrick has already asked for privacy and deflected the question away (which is like pleading the fifth when it comes to "is your girlfriend pregnant" questions.)

None of this matters though. The only thing that matters is how this new baby will help the Bulls beat the Heat. Right? Wait, it doesn't have any effect? Sorry, I thought every single thing that happens to the Bulls must have a direct effect on their matchup against Miami. Well then, what does this mean for Derrick?

  • No more naps. At least no more 3 hour naps. Side note: Derrick Rose went from being a guy I really like to watch play basketball to my hero. Not because he's good at basketball, but because he takes 3 hour naps... and it's no big deal. If it was socially acceptable for me to take a 3 hour nap every day, I'd totally do it. Really makes me regret NOT making it into the NBA. But back to my point, Derrick loves his nappin' (again, who doesn't?) and if there's anything I've learned from watching all my siblings have kids: you never sleep. Good luck trying to get 3 hours of sleep total, let alone a 3 hour nap. Then again, Derrick is a bajillionaire now and can probably definitely afford to pay someone to help out and let him sneak away for a long snooze. So, I guess he can still nap for 3 hours a day, even with a newborn. (I really should have played in the NBA!)
  • A name. Now he's gotta come up with a name for his bundle of joy. I'm not sure what he's gonna call his kid, but here are a few suggestions: Jalen. How funny would it be for Jalen Rose (the former Bull) to become the "other" Jalen Rose. He kinda deserves it. Another suggestion: Name him Derrick. He won't want to follow in Dad's shadow, so he'll go by Rick(y) Rosé.
  • We as a society will eventually get to see if the son/daughter of an incredibly rich, famous, and humble athlete will grow up to be just as humble, hungry, and driven as their parent or if they'll end up like this.
  • Last, but not least: Parenthood will make him able to make clutch free throws. (sigh... I wish)

 

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  • If it's a boy, Vin Rose.

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