Every Couple needs a Secret Language

Every couple, gay or straight, whether married or in a LTR, needs their own secret language. I'm not talking Lovey-Dovey baby talk but some simple words, phrases and even gestures that seem straightforward to circumstantial eavesdroppers, but have a clandestine meaning to you and your partner.  Think of these as your safe words for non-sexual situations.

The Couple by Ryan Lintelman

You can just feel the passion burning between these two!    (Photo Courtesy of Ryan Lintelman)

One common event every couple goes through is a situation where one of you wants to leave a scene and the other may not or may not be aware. Nightingale and I don't have this yet because we can still use the ole "gotta go, kids are about to have a meltdown," but I have come up with what I call the Traffic Light Protocol.

  • Green Light
  • Yellow Light
  • Red Light

Let's say you are at a party and you are done doing the smiling and making small talk and just want to go home, but it's not urgent. A Green Light phrase might be "honey, did we remember to take the laundry out of the washer? I don't want mold to set in on my work clothes."

In the Green Light phase, you're telling your mate that they have about 20-30 minutes to make the rounds, talk to anybody they really want to speak with and then get out of there. You are going to turn into a pumpkin soon.

Now let's imagine a different scenario. Same party but perhaps its even duller and you just are not feeling it. A Yellow Light phrase might be "honey, I'm pretty sure we didn't take the laundry out of the washer and I don't want mold to set in on my work clothes."

This is a way to say okay wrap up with ever smooching and dealing you're doing, but don't engage anyone new and let's get out of here in 15 minutes or less. You are turning into a pumpkin right now.

Now let's imagine the same party but perhaps something transpires that irks you or someone is there that annoys you, or you've already given the Green or Yellow alert. A Red Light phrase might be "honey, our neighbor just texted that our laundry room is flooded."

This is the 2-minute warning. You are beyond your limit and are going to turn a Rage Beast in 30 seconds or less. Wrap it up. No long good-byes.

One last thing: You must use these sparingly and judiciously. Also, you definitely should not use phrases that will blatantly insult anyone's intelligence.

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