As bloggers we all have our past times. Some drink and swear. Some obsess about sports. Some reach for the heart. Others muse about sex and money. Some people list things. I manufacture and post ridiculous yet sometimes meaningful Facebook status update messages.
We have to give the inventors of social media some credit for giving us another forum to complain about our relatives, talk sports trash, check in, and post random and unimportant things about our day. So, listed in no particular order, here's my contribution to the trivial and inane.
My Top Facebook Status Updates of 2011
1. Chicago's Michigan Avenue Starbucks actually supports the old "Starbucks patrons are douchebags" theory.
2. I’m taking #10 Oregon today to lick the Beavers.
3. In my holster I carry roller derby girls for protection.
4. Don’t judge a bookie by his cover.
5. People say I'm such a chick because I like red wine and chocolate. They should see my shoe collection.
6. I’ve found that calling inanimate objects “C’mon fucker” doesn’t increase their ease of use.
7. Michelle Bachman sticks her foot in her mouth so often it's creeping out foot fetishists.
8. I can't wait to see C. Thomas Howell in Cirque de Soulman.
9. On this day in 31 AD St Timothy farted and blamed it on St Paul.
10. Some say that using paper napkins is bad for the environment. Not using them is bad for my sleeve.
11. Facebook, stop asking me to "do" this and "check out" that unless you want to start doing my fucking laundry.
12. Walked into a very seedy 7-11. Walked out with a bad case of Slurpees Simplex 10.
C'mon now, let's make Cirque de Soleil more awkward.
13. I walk to the beat of a different drum machine.
14. My German mother-in-law's story about drinking at the Frankfurt Schitzenstube almost make me schitz myself.
15. Driving East today: 39 degrees and scattered mullets, followed by torrential Pauly D haircuts just east of Pittsburgh.
16. My u-turns are more like q-turns.
17. It's clear that God loves jokes. Otherwise he wouldn't have given us televangelists.
18. Indiana: the elastic waistband of America
19. A good bar doesn't make a writer good. But a better writer usually has a relationship with a good bar.
20. Life is like a box of chocolates. Leave it lying out and I will eat the whole fucking thing.