In the spring I wrote about how Autocorrect, or “spellcheck” as the old school technophobe in me often calls it, has the habit of changing words with humorous effect. One popular website, “Damn you, Autocorrect” recounts numerous episodes of Autocorrect stepping in and changing harmless words to awkward ones, sometimes infusing sexual innuendo to a new level of embarrassment.
But I’m not sure the greater gadget-using public gives Autocorrect due credit for its timing and deep-rooted sense of irony.
It was a year ago, just a few days after the San Francisco Giants won the World Series that Autocorrect tried to change the surname of star pitcher Tim Lincecum to Tim “Lynchpin”. Lincecum was the lynchpin throughout the Giants’ season and playoffs to be honest. But I mentioned this to Giants fan-friends of mine and they wouldn’t shut up about that for the whole 2011 season.
Maybe it’s just me, local Giants fans and the 12 readers of this blog that get Autocorrect’s ironic wit. I wrote a submission on this phenomenon for McSweeneys, the literary website known for both its bookish irony and the fact that it’s run by Dave Eggers, a loud lifelong Giants fan. Autocorrect couldn’t get the piece published, so it looks like we’re left to make our own recreation on the playground together.
So, play ball.
The rejection from the literary site coincided with the big trade day in the NHL a few months ago. So I saw it fitting to start there, and thankfully hockey season is back in swing.
Since then, no one has made much of the Chicago Blackhawks picking up Flyers’ bruiser Danny Carcillo from Philly. Sure, he hasn’t played a lot yet. The last time I saw him on ice with the Flyers here in January, Carcillo (whom Autocorrect sometimes calls “Crazily”) was punching the Hawks’ Jake Dowell. This tough kid from Ontario got sent to the box as you’d expect. But some Hawks fans think it’s about time Chicago got an ice enforcer and that Carcillo (or, “Crucial” Autocorrect calls him later) will fit the Hawks’ plans perfectly.
Autocorrect might be a little rusty on its hockey knowledge though, as he keeps trying to call Steve Montador a matador, and has no clue what to make of Nik Hjalmarssen.
But it’s still football season. And what better way to review the NFL thus far than to let Autocorrect have at it.
Just a day ago, NBC Sunday Night Football showed the Dallas Cowboys getting pounced by the Philadelphia Eagles in a highly-touted NFC East matchup. Quarterback Tony Romo (aka “Romp”) got romped on by the Eagles defense and threw only a few interceptions, as the Eagles ran away with it, 34-7. Romo, Autocorrect also suggests, could be called “Romeo” perhaps hinting on his high profile celebrity girlfriends like Carrie Underwood and Jessica Simpson. But Romo has had anything but a romantic encounter with the football this season.
Then there’s our beloved Chicago Bears. It could be just that Microsoft Word 2010 for Chicagoans is installed on my PC, but Autocorrect seemed to get things right. Brian Urlacher (aka “Unlatch”) has been dismantling offenses like an old creaky door off its hinges for years. And Devin Hester (aka “Hastier”) may not have a surname Autocorrect wants to interfere with given his speed, but his first name, Devin (or “Devine”), indicates his angelic kick returning abilities, and his future canonization straight into that football heaven, the Hall of Fame.
Tony Romo: No Remo Williams
Elsewhere in the NFL, The Jets’ Darrelle Revis has gotten face time. Revis (aka “Revise”) has been pre-empting quarterbacks and changing the way games end all season. A key interception a few weeks ago on Monday Night Football against Romo helped Revis (whom Autocorrect also likes to call “Beavis”) make Romo look like a major butt-head.
But sometimes Autocorrect hints he may get things wrong. Baltimore Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco (aka “Flaccid”) has been anything but limp, and before getting cocky Steelers fans should remember this Sunday how Flacco torched the Steelers for five touchdowns in a 35-7 defeat in Week 1.
No matter what, I have to give credit to Autocorrect for his out-of-the-box thinking. My hunch is that he’s kicking your tail in fantasy football.