10 Things Cubs Fans Should Do Before They Die, The Mischievous Version

10 Things Cubs Fans Should Do Before They Die, The Mischievous Version

My friend and fellow sports blogger Tab Bamford just put out a book called 100 Things Blackhawks Fans Should Know and Do Before They Die. Meanwhile Jimmy Greenfield put out his book 100 Things Cubs Fans Should Know and Do Before They Die.

Tab knows about everything to know about the Blackhawks (and all Chicago sports, actually), and Jimmy is pretty top-notch too. Since last week, Tab's book has popped up at Barnes & Noble (that's a book store, you web-only hipsters) and has broken the Top 10 among hockey-related book sales online. Jimmy's will coincide well with the Cubs' new renaissance.

But, wow. Big numbers hurt my head. And I'm not sure I can count all the way to 100 anymore.

Anyhow, I got thinking that a short task list of ten things might be a good way to warm up a few months early, in anticipation of Opening Day. Hope you've stretched and had breakfast.

10 Things Cubs Fans Should Do Before They Die

1. Eat brie in the bleachers. Sox fans claim you do anyway, so make them have to *think* up another insult.

2. Throw a beer at Shane Victorino, or whoever is in centerfield for the Phillies.


3. Name your first born Eamus Catuli.

4. Your friend is a Cardinals fan. You steal his or her keys and have the entire set replaced with Chicago Cubs keys,
seen above. Totally worth the money.

5. Send a Cubs hat to any friend you have overseas. Pen pals, military heroes, doesn’t matter who. Thanks to my efforts there are four women in Manchester, England walking around in Cubs caps. Anyhow... Just spread the love.

6. Score a ticket for Section 4, Row 8, Seat 113. Come dressed in glasses, head phones and a green hoodie. I dare you.

7. Spot the beer man who looks just like Scottie Pippen.

8. Instead of having a kosher dog, try the “Official Hot Dog of the Chicago Cubs” made by those Amish people. You’ll have to leave your seat to get it though.

9. Come home from the game sober.

10. Live long enough to see the Cubs win the World Series. And stop moaning.

Andy Frye writes about sports and life here, and spouts brazen, militant pro-sports propaganda to the masses on Twitter at @MySportsComplex.


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  • Number nine is impossible if we never see number ten. I'm waiting. And moaning. Too bad.

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