Be careful what you say. It may come back to bite you in the behind. My words are a little bit nicer, though; they only came back to me in the mail. The first week in January, I went to a Burning Bowl ceremony at my boyfriend’s church. At the BB, we received two small slips of paper and one envelope. I had to write two letters to myself.
On the first, I wrote down all the negative things I wanted to burn. The church kept this letter and set that baby on fire!! The second was a letter of the good I wanted for myself in 2012. What did I want to manifest? What did I want to see when I opened that letter in six months that would make me proud that it had come to pass? Penned on January 6, it was only two days after burying my mother in Mt. Hope. If someone had asked me a year ago, I would have never imagined that’s how I would begin my 2012. Now, I had to switch gears and think about life. Where did I see my life in six months, and then at the end of the year?
July came fast!! I didn’t open my letter right away. I couldn’t really remember what I wrote and I was a little afraid. Afraid I’d open it up, read it and be disappointed because I had fallen so short of what I said I wanted. But, I’ve opened it. Read it. My six-month checkup wasn’t so painful.
“My health is the best that’s it’s ever been. I feel invigorated, my stomach is no longer out of order (LOL), and exercise is a lifestyle now. My chest and heart feel light. I am at peace.”
It’s so funny to me reading this. When I wrote those words, I wasn’t the person I am today (at least, not actively). This morning, I woke up, saw the sun shining and was excited about going out for my morning walk in the park. I walked an hour, 6506 steps. In January, I still detested exercise. My LA Fitness membership was collecting dust. I was eating like crap. My stomach was pudgy and protruding and my energy low. But, I was also on the cusp of change.
I knew I had to change my ways and I sought out help. On January 9, I began a 21-day juicing and raw foods detox and haven’t looked back since! I DO feel invigorated. My stomach is no longer the out of order ‘wheat belly’ that it was (but still working on getting these abs right!). Exercise IS a lifestyle for me now. I’m a trailblazing Healthy Role Model through GirlTrek, leading group walks across Chicago, and I do yoga! The only meat I eat is fish and that’s in moderation. I read labels and health books. And my chest, indeed, feels lighter. In the back of my mind I’ve always been concerned about my heart and my parents’ health challenges only add to that. My father died of heart failure and my mother from complications with acute respiratory distress syndrome (ARDS). As for me, I ran the majority of my first 5K in May and didn’t pass the fcuk out! I discovered an ovarian cyst earlier this year that I’m still dealing with, but in these first six months I see a world of progress.
Most days, I am at peace or feel peaceful. There are still some things I’m working through, but I guess I have peace about the fact that I’m still working through them.
“I am writing God! I am a writer! Thank you for taking my writing and creativity to new and higher levels. My books are powerful and people are receiving the message. I am telling my stories finally and it feels good.”
So, um, yeah. About these books and that I apparently believe are going to be conceived through Immaculate Conception and just write themselves, they’re not written yet (LOL). But, I’m more focused and disciplined now, and I’m slowly chipping away at the ways I hold myself back. Technically, I am a writer and I am writing. Is anyone reading this? That’s a different question, but at least I’m holding up my end of the bargain. There’s definitely more writing coming from me in the second half of 2012 and some very exciting potential writing opportunites. It does feel good to tell my stories.
“My life is a blueprint of inspiration & excellence and I bless others in all that I do. My purpose is to inspire in words and life.”
I’ve noticed during these six months that people use various forms of the word “inspire” to describe me. They see me as an inspiration. I was telling a friend of mine a few months back that I want to make a living inspiring people. That is my dream job. But, how do you quantify that? How much is inspiration worth? At the very least, I’d want to make my current salary. I haven’t figured out yet what exactly this inspiration career is, but I believe I’m on the path.
I intentionally set out to bless myself and others in all that I do. I call it ‘glitter’! I think most refer to is as favor, but I think it’s something more than that. Plus, I think glitter is just cooler. Glitter is about making magic happen and that’s what I do. I beat myself up a lot because I always feel like I’m not living up to my full potential (something I address in this letter as well), but when I take a step back and put this year in perspective, I do feel like I’m living “on purpose” through my words and life.
“Dear God, Thank you for this day. 2012 has been an amazing year. Thank you a million times over for getting me out of my own way. There are so many desires I have, and with your Love I have it all and so much more.”
These are the opening lines of my letter and when I re-read it at the end of the year, I intend to speak every word with conviction because it will be true. I've been asked on a few occassions "What is my biggest obstacle? What holds me back?" The answer is always the same-ME. To "get out of my own way" would truly be a life-changing accomplishment and testimony.
I have six months to continue striving; six months for more miracles and blessings to manifest in my life; six months to keep growing into who I already am in the spirit. This six-month checkup is really a check in. It’s just one checkpoint along this journey to the “ideal life” I wrote for myself.
Here's to continuing successfully down this road of recovery, toward a GLOWING year-end checkup!