Early morning, random text message:
"Watching JustWright. You'd be Morgan"
Rolf??? I'm on the bus headed to work with the Scooby Doo face. Is he serious? Could you save your insults at least until after lunch?
I happen to be a fan of the film JustWright; I even wrote a PHENOMENAL review about it. I've had a number of debates with my male friends about the plausibility of Queen Latifah getting a man like Common (I really do believe it could happen). The screenplay was written by a brother and directed by a sister. Much love for JustWright, but his comment felt like a slap in the face.
This man, who quasi acts like he wants to date me, doesn't see me as the hardworking, responsible, giving, intelligent, mad cool "Leslie Wright." No, in his eyes--again, the eyes of a man who quasi acts like he wants to date me--I'm "Morgan", the needy, gold-digging, calculating, jobless, freeloading, albeit very attractive, friend. Wow. You're watching JustWright and thought of me as that?
This would not be the first time a man has said some dumb -ish to talk his way out of my good graces, or in the case of one guy, talk his way out of some ass. I had no beniz whatsoever preparing to have anything, let alone sex, with this person, but there I was. As I'm getting undressed he says, "You should tell people you're model instead of a writer." He went on to mock my writing voice and said some other WTF-type things about my writing, but by this point I'm already putting my clothes back on and grabbing my stuff to leave. He couldn't undertand what he said wrong. I was more hurt than angry.
His words said, "You should tell people you're a model instead of a writer," but what I heard was, "You're basically just a pretty face, and you don't really write all that much anyway and what you do write isn't even all that great, so do yourself a favor and play the model card." Rihanna can have her RUDE boys, that -ish blows! For him to take something that I believe is special about me and say that I should forget about it hurt. Friends, I would think friends you used to date in particular, should be your dream keepers and not your dream killers. My writing helped support his dreams many a time, but maybe things would have worked out better for us if I could've just been pretty and been the "model" girlfriend.
*Sidebar: The dream killer dude is also the same one that told me I remind him of Kim Porter--Diddy's baby mama. This offended me as well. Couldn't I at least be Kimora, a woman that's a mogul in her own right? I have no clue what Kim Porter does.
Anywho, I replied to Mr. Just Wrong that, "I def don't see myself as Morgan; I'd be Leslie for sure. The problem is men see me and expect a Morgan or they want a Morgan cuz they not ready for Les."
In times past, his comment would have sent me into some kind of depressive episode, but praise God for progress. How he sees me and the he before him and the he before him, on and on, is irrelevant. HOW DO I SEE ME? I know that in many cases, what people throw at us is a reflection of something we emit internally. Or, it could be them projecting their own insecurities. I'ont know, but at this stage in my life I don't even bother with trying to figure it out. I take what I can as constructive feedback (it's gotta be buried in that insult somewhere, right?), and make a mental note not invest too much time in people that don't edify who I am as I'm becoming who I've always been.