Four reasons why you won't like the new Robin Thicke album

Four reasons why you won't like the new Robin Thicke album

Last summer Robin Thicke presented us with some blurred lines, and we were eating out of his hand.  This summer, the lines are not blurred at all- they’re extremely clear: Robin wants his wife back.

Let’s back up.  I wouldn’t say that Robin Thicke was particularly well known prior to “Blurred Lines,” which became THE song of Summer 2013 with a super risqué video to match, followed by a risqué raunchy performance with Miley Cyrus at the VMAs.  That was followed by an alleged ass grabbing incident, and finally earlier this year we received the announcement that Robin and his actress wife Paula Patton were separated.  And now he’s contrite and you’re fully up to speed.

In case there is any question that the songs on Robin’s new album are autobiographical, the album is entitled Paula.  Song titles include “Forever Love,” “Too Little Too Late,” “Get Her Back” and “Love Can Grow Back.”

My prediction is that this is going to be a double fail: I don’t think he’s going to win Paula back, nor do I think the album will do great.  I’m not saying that people won’t initially buy the album for the salacious content or that he won’t get some spillover sales based on last summer’s success, but I don’t think it’s going to be a smash.  Why, you ask?  Several reasons:

1. It’s too personal.  Robin doesn’t try to make these songs that other people can relate to; with each song you get a little slice of Robin and Paula- and it feels intrusive.  Most don’t feel like songs you would really get attached to because they feel like…Robin’s songs.  And frankly they reek of desperation.

2. There’s no consistency to the music.  I do like it when an album’s songs have diversity, but these are all over the place.  “Love Can Grow Back” sounds like a strip tease, “You’re My Fantasy” sounds like cruise music, on “Lock the Door” he sounds like he has some backup girls reminiscent of the fifties, and on and on.  You might like a song here and there, but it would be hard for one person to enjoy it start to finish.

3. The songs themselves are so-so.  Robin had a great opportunity to follow up “Blurred Lines” with something strong and solidify what he started last year, but these songs seem like they were thrown together, both lyrically and musically.

4. He sounds like a jerk.  There is one reference to family amongst the 14 songs, but mostly it’s a lot of “I’m a jerk and you probably want someone else and I kind of don’t blame you.”  He references sex a lot, yelling at her, drinking too much, drug use and a creepy reference to watching a young girl dance (I’m not interpreting, I don’t believe: “You’re way too young to dance like that in front of a man like me”- yuck).  If I’m Paula and I’m listening to this as an aggregate of what Robin is, I’m going to be moving right along.

So that’s my prediction: this album is not going to win Paula back; rather, it’s going to make her realize she made the right call.  Good riddance!  In case you don’t believe me when I say he sounds desperate, consider this extremely smoky public plea disguised as a performance at the BET awards the other night.

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