I was as shocked as everyone else to hear the news Saturday night of Whitney Houston’s death. As a teen in the eighties, her music was a softer alternative to Madonna for me. I was not too surprised that my own teenagers were only mildly familiar with her since she has not done much to speak of for a good 15 years or so.
My thoughts quickly turned to Whitney’s 18-year old daughter, Bobbi Kristina, since she’s only a couple months younger than my oldest daughter. I literally knew nothing about the girl but felt sick thinking about a girl that age losing her mother- and in such a horrible manner. The fact that Bobbi Kristina has now been hospitalized twice in the past couple days and is reportedly on the brink of a complete breakdown made me feel even worse for her.
I started looking for information about Bobbi Kristina since I was curious. Was she in college maybe? Hmm, looks like no on that, although she does/did seem to have her own drug habit. And there appears to have been an incident with a gun. At some point she reportedly tried to stab her mother. So it doesn’t look like her problems are just starting with the death of a troubled mother, although I doubt this will help.
Whitney has admitted that she had a drug problem and that she and Bobby, Bobbi Kristina’s father, did drugs together for many years. In 2009, Whitney told Oprah that she had kicked her drug habit, and the reports at this point are that she may have ingested a lethal combination of prescription medication and alcohol, although that may seem like a fine distinction with her history.
So was Whitney a crummy mother for exposing her daughter to such a raunchy lifestyle for so many years, quite possibly contributing to similar habits? Or shall she be excused because she was caught in the grips of the drugs and died too soon? Or did her bad decision about marrying that louse ultimately lead to the drugs that contributed to all these problems? In the end, it’s like trying to decide whether the chicken or the egg came first: it doesn’t really matter. An 18-year old girl has a dead mother and by many accounts a deadbeat father.
Usually I cringe when I hear someone referred to as a “good” or “bad” parent. I assume everyone makes decisions that they think are best for their family and their kids, and that isn’t always the same for everyone. Some decisions end up being good ones, some aren’t. But as we know, there isn’t a screening process for two people to make a baby, and they aren’t required to vet their decisions or justify their parenting in most cases, which is probably unfortunate. I have to wonder if Whitney and Bobby truly had their daughter’s best interests at heart with many of the parenting decisions they made- or failed to make.
So while Whitney’s death is being described as tragic, the true tragedy is the daughter she has left behind.
Filed under: Parenting
I couldnt even finish reading this mess. You are disrespectful & need to fall to your knees & pray! This woman has not been gone for a week & you & all this vulchers have just been ripping Whitney Houston to pieces. Get the hell back... Yea she was on drugs ( she didnt have to admit a damn thing bcuz it wasnt like she was standing on the sidewalk doing drugs.. she was in her own fuckin home) but people change & she did. You bums dogged her when she was alive, cant she rest in peace! You obvisouly didnt know Whitney nor her family so you bad mouthing her is sum "crummy" shit to do & say.... & because of that, you are being a ignorant jerk. Its not like kids come with an instruction book or sum... And obvisouly not manners either because you speak as if you were raised by wolves!
Bee, thank you for your comment. Had you finished reading, you would have seen that my empathy in this case is with Bobbi Kristina. In my opinion, there has far too little concern for her while everyone mourns the death of her mother.
As I fellow writer I must point out that you have broken a rules. Do not write from an unproven narrative. Whitney Houston began using drugs before she began dating Bobby Brown a fact that I have known for over twenty years. This was confirmed by Jennifer Holliday (someone who actually knew Ms. Houston for more than 30 years), on Piers Morgan's show Monday Night. Birds of feather, flock together, Like attracts like. Bobby Brown clearly had his issues but stop projecting your negative thoughts and claiming it as reality.
I am sure Whitney Houston is like any other mother - you do the best you can with what you have. There are very few woman who have walked in the shoes of Whitney Houston. So please do not compare yourself to a woman who literally carried the weight of the world and at least fifty people's livelihoods on her back. Let this woman and her family have their time of peace. As a writer I have made the choice to sit quietly and process this in a non- reactionary manner. I wish that others would do the same. You cannot get a sense of a story based on conjecture and unproven gossip.
The answer to the question unfortunately is yes as Bobbi Kristina has fallen into the same habits; i.e. she also fell asleep in the tub after taking Xanax from what I have read. I wouldn't worry about the first comment because evidently the words between the lines suggests it is okay to do whatever in your home - unfortunately that is also not true.
The shame in all this is that a golden voice was snuffed out for no other reason than succumbing to an addiction that was preventable. That was bad enough when it rubs off on the offspring - what was preventable suddenly doesn't. I fear it won't be long before we hear something tragic about Bobbi. I hope not - but the writing appears to be on the wall.
p.s. the so-called vultures can rightfully question if the aim is to prevent another tragedy. Apparently Bee doesn't see the bigger picture.
Michael, I think you nailed it. The choices and lifestyle seem to have set Bobbi Kristina on a bad path. I hope that somehow she can find a positive support system that gets her through this and keeps the tragedy from compounding.
I, too, feel that people are being unduly harsh when commenting on Ms. Houston's death. It's always a terribly sad thing when a person is so gifted and falls into the quagmire which is the abuse of drugs and alcohol. I am sad for the loss of a great talent who provided me with hours of pleasure listening to her sing. I am sad that she squandered that talent. I am sad for Bobbi Kristina who is only 18 years old and has lost her mother.
Your last sentence is the saddest of all.
Is The Author of this Piece A Scummy Lowlife?
If the pic listed is a true pic of the author, is she a bad family member/friend because she has chosen obesity and put herself at risk for a number of diseases & the possibility of early death?
What the hell is wrong with you, the author stated her opinion on a public matter in a sensitive and thoughtful way and you call her names? She's not the lowlife here, hun.
There in nothing wrong with loved1. She is stating her opinion just like this author decided to do. I think the author was very disrespectful to Whitney's family to state her opinion about her being a bad mother days after her death. Bobbi Kristina is going thru enough right now that to hear about this. WTH is wrong with the author. I wonder how she would feel if she passed away and left behind a child and people were questioning whether she was a bad mom.
Karmasabitch, You make a good point. As parents, our primary focus should be making good choices for our kids. It is common and natural to refect on the life of someone who has just died, and I hope that I have lived my life and been the kind of parent that I would be proud of. Whitney made choices that had tragic consequences, both through the years and, more recently, last week. If she did not have a child, it would be a situation similar to Amy Winehouse, who also self destructed. Sadly, the impact in this case is far more tragic.
Loved1, thank you for pointing out that I may need to change my avatar to more accurately reflect my appearance. I can honestly say that in 43 years, you are the first person to ever call me obese.
This reads like a bad junior high school paper. Until the author learns how to properly use hyphens, dashes & other punctuation marks, she should find a new unpaid hobby.
Adolfo, thank you for your critique. From your comment I will assume that you only engage in hobbies that you can accomplish without error. As you correctly pointed out, this particular hobby is unpaid and I therefore do not have the luxury of an editor. I apologize if my punctuation errors distracted you from my intended message.
Annekip63: Nice article. As I see it, everyone is weighing in with conjecture. Ultimately, Ms. Huston was a drug addict who lived a drug addicted life (perhaps nicer trappings than most street druggies, I grant) but that's all it is. Doesn't matter that she was famous. Doesn't matter that she had a wonderous and fabulous talent, with great beauty to match. Doesn't matter that I have admired her since I first heard her lovely voice in 1983. Doesn't matter if she was a good or bad mom, or if she was a kind human being. In the end, though, she was an addict and that addiction killed her. The drugs took care of it all at the last anyway. Thanks, Annekip63.
Thank you for your thoughtful comments, Clair. I'm sure Whitney's daughter does not care about her talents or her beauty at this point. Very sad.
I think freedom of speak is very important to maintain even if we disagree. As I read the article I did not get an overwhelming sense of empathy for the daughter, but rather an excuse to use her as a tool to lessen the harshness towards Whitney. I also want to note that in this society white people are known to conditionally display less empathy for people of color. I think this lack of empathy for the African American has been a true detriment to society and the world. We are rarely given the benefit of the doubt and must prove our innocence. For the most part white people have always judged black people in a negative way and have a difficult time truly seeing people of color in an equal manner. We are different to them and we are perceived in a different manner even if no il intent is meant. What I will like to keep in mind is Whitney's background. She was raised in one of toughest city's in the US, and went to church frequently. She was introduced into the music industry at a very young age and exposed to things the average teenager is not exposed to. So the question I have is who really introduced her to drugs and alcohol? If I were to make a wager I would guess the music industry. I can only imagine the daily pressures she endured and the ups and downs of being a celebrity constantly in the eyes of the public, being judged on a daily basis. In this day in age all people think about is the money and fame, but unless you walk in another person's shoes it's really hard to pinpoint what happened and where it went wrong. I only hope that there will be an intervention from loved ones if Bobbi seems to be moving in the same direction. My heart goes out to the Houston family. There is a new star shining in the night and Whitney will always be a fond memory for me. Her music was a true gift.
Curlyfro, Your comment about race made me stop and think for a minute because I literally hadn't considered that aspect of my assessment. However, upon reflection I would argue that someone like Demi Moore (white, obviously) is displaying VERY poor parenting right now, as well. Sadly, Whitney happens to be the one in the news this week. I don't believe race plays a role in whether we should try to made decisions in the best interest of our children. When we become parents, would should try to do that no matter what our circumstances.
Whitney definitely did have some challenges that other people don't probably have, as you pointed out: being in the music industry, lots of money, starting at a young age. However, drugs affect people of every background and social status. There is a certain level of hysteria bubbling in the (predominantly white, upper middle class) western suburbs of Chicago about the drug situation in our high schools right now. That particular problem does not discriminate.
We are definitely on the same page in our concern for Bobbi. I really do pray that she has a loving, positive support system that helps her find a good path. She will miss Whitney most of all.
Thank you for reading and for your thoughtful comments.
Thank you for your response. However my comment on race was directed at your article and not if race plays a role in parenting. Your comments are your own and very subjective, and your subjectivity (in my opinion) is quite bias, as I pointed out previously. There is a negative tone to your article and not one of true concern as you claim. You make unecessary remarks that have nothing to do with the welfare of Bobbi when referencing how Whitney hasn't done anything in 15 hrs, or questioning if Bobbi went to college, as if earning a degree is some sort true validation on a persons character or choices they make in life. Then you proceed to site only negative things you claim to have read in your 24-48 hrs worth of research. And yes, there are many people who have demons, but it's more difficult when you have the music industry giving easy access to drugs and alcohol. I'm sure being watched and judged in the public eye can only intensify the situation.
You mention Demi briefly, but I wonder if you wrote an article about her in the same manner. So my meaning is simple....white society always claim to understand different cultures without really breaking bread with them. They are quick to deny any wrong doing in their negative outlook toward people of color, or acknowledge how the history of poor race relations in this country has played a role in how people of different backgrounds view one another. White society can be very quick to make excuses for poor behavior of other whites, yet quick to condemn those of color even before guilt is proven. I could easily provide many examples, but I'll let you do your research.
I do not believe every white person lacks empathy for other races, but those who don't acknowledge the role society has played in poor race relations and can have an honest discussion about it. So the question I pose to you is this....if a relative or close friend of yours went through the same experience and you were concerned about her daughter, would you address it in the same negative manner? I think not.