While doing errands recently, “I Will Possess Your Heart” by Death Cab for Cutie came on the radio. I like the song because it’s just a good song. However, it also happens to be a borderline creepy stalker song. It got me thinking that there are a number of such songs out there. Seriously, if you sent the lyrics to some of these songs to a love interest, you’d be served with a restraining order in no time flat.
I perused my iTunes library to see how many fun stalker songs I could find. Lots were just downright depressing, so I left those off (Please love me! You have to love me!), but here are a few that made the cut, accompanied by representative lyrics within. Enjoy!
- “I Will Possess Your Heart” – Death Cab for Cutie. The song that started it all! Favorite lines: “You gotta spend some time with me, and I know that you’ll find love. I will possess your heart.” That’s it, it’s just going to take a little more getting-to-know-you time and then we’ll be all set!
- “The Old Apartment” – Barenaked Ladies. Any song that begins with the lyrics “broke into the old apartment” is off to a bad start- forced entry is usually frowned upon. Favorite lines: “Why did they pave the lawn? Why did they change the locks? Why did I have to break in, I only came here to talk.” Dude, lots of signals screaming that it’s not happening.
- “Every Breath You Take” – The Police. Part of the creepiness of this song is in how calmly Sting sings about his stalkerish-ness. He has all the bases covered: “Every move you make, every vow you break, every smile you fake, every claim you stake, I’ll be watching you.” That just about covers what I do in a normal day. Yikes!
- “One Way or Another” – Blondie. Debbie Harry shows some admirable determination in this song: “One way or another, I’m gonna find/win/see/lose/trick ya.” Go Debbie, don’t give up!
- “I Can’t Make you Love Me” – Bonnie Raitt. Well, Bonnie could take a note from Blondie in this song because she’s already thrown in the towel. Sample: “I’ll close my eyes, then I won’t see the love you don’t feel when you’re holding me.” On second thought, this song is the opposite of a stalker song. Bonnie, at least try a little!
- “Before He Cheats” – Carrie Underwood. This song contains stalking with a twist of revenge. What better way to make your ex realize how badly he’s messed up than by vandalizing his car? “I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights, slashed a hole in all four tires…” Wow, I'm sure he’s regretting his decision to cheat on you now, Carrie!
- “Are You Alright?” – Lucinda Williams. Ugh, Lucinda is the worst kind of jilted lover: the one who pretends not to understand. “Are you alright? I looked around me and you were gone. Are you alright? I feel like there must be something wrong.” Lucinda, I’ve got news for you. He’s fine, you’ve been dumped.
- “Why Didn’t You Call Me?” – Macy Gray. Macy is a tinge whiny in this song, which (warning) is sometimes a bit of a turnoff. “We had such a good time. Hey! Why didn’t you call me? I thought I’d see you again.” I’m going to recommend that Macy pick up the book “He’s Just Not That Into You.”
- “Stuck Like Glue” – Sugarland. This fun song almost had me fooled until I watched the lighthearted stalker video that goes with it (below), complete with kidnapping. Enjoy!
Filed under: Playlists