I started listening to Britney's new album, "Femme Fatale", last week. I read in Rolling Stone that she meant to make a really awesome dance album. Initially I thought that was hilarious since who can picture Mother Britney on the dance floor. It got me thinking, however, that it was not so very long ago that our little Brit-Brit was a hot little mess, not unlike our friend Charlie Sheen. The more I thought about it, the more intrigued I became with the similarities. For your consideration:
Charlie is the new Britney. How, you ask?
Both have wack-a-doo tendencies
The public has an insatiable fascination with their turmoil
Both were hospitalized for things like "exhaustion"
Both surrounded themselves with users/losers (Do you remember Brit's companions, Sam Lufti and Adnan Ghalib? Neither did I- had to look them up, but they ended up with restraining orders when it was all said and done)
Both lost custody of their kids (if Charlie can demonstrate that he's getting his shizz together he will be able to see the little one progressively more frequently)
Now, what Charlie can do to get better? (a.k.a. Lessons from Brit):
Let Dad take control (Martin to the rescue!)
Go into hiding (that would be the opposite of being on tour and flaunting the crazy)
Try to put out a quality work product (possibly stop ripping on "Two and a Half Men", for example)
In a few years when no one is interested anymore, put out a kickass new album (or...TV show, as the case may be)
So the lesson is that there is great hope for Charlie because look at Britney's transformation! Now, on to her album. I wasn't that excited about either of the songs I had previewed, so I didn't have high hopes, but I was pleasantly surprised. I think listening to Britney with low expectations is the way to go; she's not a deep thinker, so if you just kind of let the music "happen" to you there is a better chance of success.
Warning: the songs are very heavy on Auto-Tune, but that is the dance way, so she's forgiven. Some of the lyrics are so ludicrous that you really shouldn't pay close attention to them or you'll hate yourself for liking the songs. Let's put it this way: in "How I Roll" she sings about "going downtown where my posse's at because I got nine lives like a kitty cat" and I think that tells you all you need to know about what you'll find the way of depth.
Britney is joined by Will.i.am on "Big Fat Bass", Will himself being no stranger to inane lyrics. "I can be the treble, baby, you can be the bass." Um, okay. When I first started listening to "Femme Fatale" I thought the album was ridiculously stupid, which it is, but I kept playing it to keep myself busy during my walks to and from the train. To my chagrin, the songs started creeping into my day, and I was surprised to find myself singing them just as well as Britney does (as long I can also have the benefit of Auto-Tune on my side). This evening, however, as I was singing the refrain from "Sealed With a Kiss" repeatedly around the kitchen, several household teens corrected my misperception. Okay, maybe she has a decent voice after all.
If you are looking for harmless entertainment that doesn't tax your brain, I recommend this album. If nothing else, let's reward Brit for her Extreme Makeover, Lifestyle Edition. After all, it gives hope to all the Charlie Sheens out there, right?