The 5 Worst Election Day Ideas 2012

#1. The notion that you vote in a flash in the sleepy old suburbs. Arrived at my polling place, usually an empty cavern, to find lines of voters waiting due to a backlog at the front desk. A young woman whose husband was listed but she wasn’t, despite her having received a new voter card in the mail, demanded to see the street by street list that allegedly did not have her name on it. She was quite distressed about not being allowed to vote, especially after suffering through the barrage of ads for months with the rest of us. Meanwhile (this was 11:20 am) another worker assembled a voting booth. All the other workers collaborated to solve the problem, settling on a proper course of action. The aspiring voter’s suffering was eventually rewarded with a provisional ballot, and the line began to move. Time elapsed: 8 mins. of my life that I will never get back.

#2. Stick to sports. Jay Cutler who is often one defensive snatch away from being turned upon by Bears’ fans already decides to declare his presidential choice (Romney) in this oh so Democratic city, which is like Ozzie Guillen going to Miami and declaring what a good guy Castro is. Too much information.

#3. Don’t look in here. Texas Attorney General bans international democracy-loving organization OSCE from observing today’s election. What’s the matter, pardners? Afraid that those newly democratic countries that the organization advises on voting practices will steal your Texas ways? Unlikely.

#4. Naming rights. NBC renames the area outside their studio Democracy Plaza. Seriously? I’m thinking that writers from SNL infiltrated the news division to set up this week’s skits. If Havana’s is called Revolution Square, what should we pick for Daley Center – Corruption Central?

#5. The whole idea that we should give the presidential election season an unlimited run. How about if next time we only let it start once the Olympics are over? That way there will be less time to blunder and build resentments, the pundits will have less airtime to make things worse, we won’t get to the point when we have to block each other on Facebook because we can’t stand one more self-righteous political post. And we can spend the money on things that will get us somewhere. Anyone?

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  • What'll we call the White House if Romney gets in? The Wealth House?

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