Republicans Roast President Obama

The day has arrived – the Republicans can finally have their roast of President Obama. But it’s just as well that semi-hurricane whatever blew in when it did – they now have an extra day to strategize on how to blame the thing on Mr. Obama.

Let’s see… He failed to prevent global warming, so that stirred up the waters? No, that won’t work – they don’t believe in global warming. Maybe it is God’s vengeance on the country for inching toward same-sex marriage. No, that won’t fly – God is a Republican and he’d never punish them. Oh well, I’ll let them worry that out. I’m sure they’ll come up with something.

Dear reader, just a note of reassurance: Ms. Crankypants is an equal opportunity complainer. The Democrats will get their turn in a couple of weeks.

So, what can we look forward to this week? For all the pundits, commentators, and eager reporters running around trying to find the story that will finally get them out of the current small-market hellhole they are laboring in, they should have a lot to work with. I have some suggestions if they run out of ideas:

1. Keep track of all the mean names they come up with for their sworn enemy Barack Obama, perhaps in a daily chart

2. Count the times the words Hussein, birth certificate, and death panels appear and who says them. If they win, the party could use that info to decide who gets tickets to the inauguration.

3. Record the times that actual discussion of actual positions on actual issues take place. This one may be a waste of time, because really, what are the chances?

4. Follow around Rep. Akin of the Neanderthal wing of the party and see if anyone talks to him. Oh wait, I think he isn’t even invited. Perhaps some news outlet could sign him up to do commentary then. It could be a ratings blockbuster.

So, have at it GOP, all eyes will be on you. Do something that will appeal to the 23% of the viewing public who have yet to decide who to vote for. Don’t make us switch to Twilight Zone reruns in disgust.

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