Raising a Good Adult

Raising a Good Adult

Our son and daughter-in-law just moved into a new home. It’s an older home in and older neighborhood and just what they wanted. We watched the process from the sidelines of them selling their previous home, searching for and finding the home they dreamt of and moving into it. Our biggest contribution was babysitting for our grandson throughout much of the process.

Sure we asked if they were confident of what they were doing. Did they need anything more?  Any advice? And their answers were always yes, they had done a LOT of homework. And no, they didn’t need anything more from us.

For my husband and I, it was wonderful and a little scary. But it mirrored so many other times throughout our lives as parents. Teaching him how to do something for himself. Then watching as he managed it and even moved beyond.

I told my son many many times as he was growing up: My job as a parent was to raise him to be the best Adult he could possibly be. That often was not the answer he sought. And it was not always the easier way for either of us.

But It was to not just insure his safety. We also needed to make sure he knew how to keep safe by himself.

That learning actually starts with a love and a want to learn. That learning never ever ends. And what you may think is unimportant now may surprise you later when it is actually helpful to know it. We can teach things to you. But we prefer to teach you how to find it out for yourself.

That the world doesn’t revolve upon you. But only you can control and influence how important a role you play in it.

And now here he was. The Adult that we had hoped he would become. Making plans and decisions with his wife as his love and partner. And setting a path toward the future both of them imagined for their family.

But it was about two weeks after they moved that I truly knew that he realized the values we tried to instill. He told us how the elderly husband next door had just passed away. He said that he brought over a meat loaf and his two year old son. Because he knew that our grandson brought them smiles. Our son insured the wife that he will be able to help her with anything she needs especially cleaning her driveway of snow.

I’m sure our son and daughter-in-law know that we are here when they need us. But it’s so much nicer to realize that they really don’t need us that much.

Filed under: Philosophy

Tags: Adulthood, Parenting, Values

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