Stop Making Friends and Go Find Your People

IMG_2887How many friends do you have?

Who cares. The more important question is: Who are your people?

Knowing who your people are is how you make the world your home. When that happens, then the universe conspires to help you get what you want. That’s why it matters.

So how do we know when we are, in fact, among our people? We know it because we feel instantly alive and alert—not “on” (which is the performative thing that we all have to do to get through some parts of our day). We experience an inside-out feeling of curiosity and connection.. The social pressures and “should” of the interactions are replaced with a “must” drive to connect. You feel as if you’ve walked into a room where a collective experience is being shared, and the physical movement among the individuals is easy and languid—nothing like the human ping-pong of networking events. Eye contact lasts longer. Better questions are asked. Answers are more honest.

I recently found myself among my people at a backyard potluck hosted by a local impact investor and entrepreneur. The minute I arrived, I had that special feeling—the one where even someone as anti-social as I am wants to actually stay and just be there, among the people, my people. That event triggered memories of other, similar gatherings, and that led me to do some pattern recognition on the qualities of “my people.”

I hope this list will inspire you to make one of your own:
1) I’m drawn to people who talk passionately about ideas—theirs and yours.
2) I’m at home with people who take a stand, and enjoy defending it.
3) My people ask great questions and really want to know the answers.
4) My people are comfortable with their whole selves, and toggle freely among topics such as business, politics and their favorite sea bass recipe.
5) Their laughter comes from a deep place, and makes me laugh in return.

That’s it. Now go consciously to your next meeting, your next event, your next conference—anywhere people are gathering, and find your people. Life will be much richer as a result.



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