Posts in category "Uncategorized"

Twatter: Social Media for Senior Citizens

In honor of National Blog Posting Month – #NaBloPoMo, I’ve decided to feature some insanely talented guest blogger buddies of mine here on Moms Who Drink And Swear: Chicago Edition. This is the second guest post in the series and holy shit…I can’t even tell you how much I love it without making joyful noise,... Read more »

Yo, Amanda - Call me back!

Dear Amanda, I am so bummed that I missed your call, I was watching South Park with my fourteen year old and I didn’t hear the phone ring! I don’t know who the fuck Amy, James, Peggy, Brent, Michael, Catherine and David are, but my name is Nikki, and I could really use some of... Read more »

My guilty pleasure doesn't make me feel a bit f*cking guilty

This month’s Blogapalooza challenge? Defend your guilty pleasure. WITH GUILT FREE PLEASURE, MOTHERFUCKERS! First I want to ask you to tell me your favorite color. Actually, don’t. Because I don’t give a shit what your favorite color is, but that’s not because I don’t care about you. I care a lot about you as a... Read more »
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Yankee Candle WTF?

My daughter loves candles. We spend hours in candle stores like Yankee Candle sniffing them. What? We found this gem yesterday. …the fuck? Most, not all, unfortunately, but MOST of the people I interact with on Facebook are clever and funny, and I needed feedback, because what the ever loving shit, right? So I posted... Read more »

Moms Who Drink And Swear: A Video Blog

The lovely and talented people at the Tribune Media Group suggested that it would be swell if I did a series of videos. Awkward pause….. I agreed for the following reasons: 1) Knowing I will be on camera regularly will motivate me to get my eyebrows waxed more than once a year, and this is... Read more »

Dance like no-one is watching, even if you feel like horse-sh*t

My body was rebelling against today. I don’t know what it hads against this particular day, but when I woke up this morning, my body and today, Thursday, immediately engaged in a battle of wills against what is usually not so Monday-like. I couldn’t let that kind of horse-shit continue. What kind of horse-shit you... Read more »
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I love everyone, except when I don't.

I considered doing self-actualizing stuff, so I googled some Maslow, and after re-freshing my memory on the hierarchy, I decided that I didn't fucking feel like it. Also because as you can see, the top line of the top triangle says, "moronoty," and the bottom line says, "Acceptance of farts," and I am a moron who totally accepts farts, so honestly people, what work do I really need to do?
I love people. Love them. Until I don’t. When that happens, I can’t be around them. But since I am a person, I have to be around me, because I can’t get away from myself. I wish I could. I get sick to death of myself too. It’s frustrating, but I’ve figured out how to... Read more »

F*&k you, Dinner. I still hate you.

The original title of my book was, “Fuck you, Dinner. Make Yourself.” I thought it was brilliant. The publisher didn’t agree. I understand. But that doesn’t change the fact that I fucking hate dinner, that I stand by comparing it to herpes, that it’s the fucking bane of my parental existence. Once in a while,... Read more »

Don't feel guilty about letting your children watch television

When I used to watch the children’s television show Barney (purple singing dinosaur) with my son, I silently predicted which of the singing, dancing, overacting, attention whore kids was most likely to have a future career in porn. When I watched The Wiggles with him, I often fantasized about making sweet wiggles with Anthony, the... Read more »
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Can't or won't stop? Is Miley Cyrus mentally ill?

Yesterday, while the world was a flutter reacting to Miley Cyrus’s shocking VMA performance, my “Uh-oh” alarm was Uh-oh-ing, ALL DAY LONG! Instead of being angry or shocked, I was concerned that, like she sings in her latest song, she WON’T STOP, because she CAN’T STOP. Is Miley Cyrus mentally ill? If, and that’s a... Read more »