Category: Muttled Monday

I wasn't in Playboy because I wasn't the whole package

1988… J: Your your boobs are absolutely perfect. I can’t stop staring at them. Your boobs should be in Playboy. Goddamn your boobs! Me: I know. Really, I know. They are magnificent, but I don’t have the whole package. J: You have enough. Seriously. Perfect tits. You should get pictures taken. My God… Me: Are... Read more »

Love Like The Movies

Ugh and pfffth to romance in real life. It doesn’t interest me in the least. I say blergh to candlelight dinner, flowers, sweet talk, compliments or cuddles. I’m the type of gal who likes to see what I’m eating, and cleaning up dead flowers is a pain in the ass. Words are cheap, my love... Read more »

Defending God and doing good things

The following is a re-post of a blog from September of 2011, soon after I became involved with St. Baldricks. I love hosting events and meeting people, and despite the pain it gives me to hear the stories of childhood cancer, it’s an honor to be able to DO something, even if it’s not much.... Read more »

Be your own motherf*cking cheerleader!

Cheerleader. When you read that word, what went through your mind? Did you imagine generous, intelligent, strong, athletic, talented, tenacious enlightened women or did you think of petty, pretty, hot, slutty brainless, bossy bitchy girls who run in tight, exclusive cliques, dismissive of non-cheerleaders and snotty to the ‘nth degree? Probably the latter. You can... Read more »

Is marijuana less dangerous than alcohol?

Throughout this blog post there are links to relevant articles. By clicking on the red words, you will be directed to these sources. I strongly encourage you to read each article carefully, as they all contain interesting information. In order to make a decision about anything, it’s wise to do a little digging and find... Read more »

Saying that Jenny McCarthy is responsible for the anti-vaccine movement is a stupid as saying that vaccines cause autism

When you think of Jenny McCarthy as the chick who stripped down for Playboy, it’s easy to rip on her for her outspoken views and opinions about autism. Because what the hell does a chick that became famous for burping on MTV know about a complex neurobiological condition like autism? She probably knows a lot... Read more »

Growing up and liking it - Talking with your daughter about boobs and pubes

This pamphlet was in a box of keepsakes that my mom put away for me. Growing up and liking it – the pamphlet that launched a thousand more questions, because what the ‘eff? It contains a bunch of letters, a few diagrams, and a glossary. Piece of shit if you ask me, but it’s sure... Read more »

Raising a stink - Farting is family

I have the maturity of a 12 year old boy. I love farts. I think poop is funny. I think that when monkeys throw poop at each other, it’s hilarious. I could sit at the zoo watching them eat each other’s nits and fling poop for hours. Judge me. I don’t have time to reply,... Read more »

An Open Letter to The Voices

I was thinking about my own blog and I do believe that some of my old posts could be construed as oddly formatted open letters. Were some of my open letter-type posts obvious to others, even if I didn’t see them as such? For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about or... Read more »

Everybody poops

It was impossible for anyone in the crowded Sea-Tac airport bathroom not to hear the hilarious and adorable conversation between a mother and her little guy yesterday, but even so, I was particularly focused on them because after five days away from my family, I was feeling the ache – missing them. One day away... Read more »