Would you be interested in hearing a story about porn and baby fucking animals? Just in case I didn't grammar that first sentence correctly, I am NOT offering to share a story about baby animals fucking. Because WHAT KIND OF PERSON WOULD BE INTERESTED IN THAT? Ugh...I don't like to be judgmental, but even I can't abide that filth and baby animals don't do that anyway. Duh.
How does it make you feel that the first sentence of this blog post (that has taken me TWO FUCKING YEARS to write, holy SHIT) starts with an unnerving question and several F-bombs?
If your answer to the second question is, “I feel VERY (or even moderately) uncomfortable with the gratuitous use of profanity here AND have ZERO interest in anything that has to do with porn, baby animals, or porn AND baby animals or fucking,” then you clearly new here and honestly, my blog and social media posts in general are not going to be your cup of tea.
AND THAT’S OKAY!
I recommend that you take those yucky, negative thoughts and feelings you are experiencing and imagine stacking them on a big, strong leaf. Next, imagine yourself gently placing that leaf down in a clear, cool stream and let all that icky Nikki drift away with the current. Isn't that a lovely visual? BYE ICKY NIKKI! Yes, just let me go!
Did you know that doing leaf on a stream thing is a "coping skill?" IT'S TRUE! And it works for a lot of people. I am not one of those people, but you might be.
Go on, try it! And then click away from this blog post as fast as you can. GO NOW! GO!
If you did the leaf thing but didn't click away from this post and you are still here reading, I'll bet you feel confused. I USED ALL CAPS, which is the bossy font! Are you the kind of person who doesn't like to be told what to do? Because if so, I feel you! However, that doesn't change the fact that you are potentially still feeling confused and helpless as to why you are still here so maybe you should take a stop resisting those negative feelings and instead try to reflect on them and explore why they are affecting you so intensely. I'm not telling you to do that though. Notice that I did not use ALL CAPS when I suggested it.
You do you.
I don't know it it helps, but there is actually a reason why our brains find it REALLY hard to tear ourselves away from negative stuff (I recommend looking it up right now. Go! I'm trying to help you!) so don't beat yourself up if you are still here yet feel a hot and steamy hate for me and my potty mouth and dirty mind.
If you are still reading, either because you want to (YAY) or because you can't fucking help yourself, (because science-y reason) I can tell you that my new book does speak a little to why it's normal for our brains get stuck on the negative stuff. Ah, but this blog isn't my new book so like I said, look it up or wait for the book. I don't even know what this blog is about. I'm still trying to figure it out. Writing is MY primary coping skill. As one of my favorite writers, Stephen King, says...
" I write to find out what I think."
What IS this blog post about anyway? Still working on that. See quote above.
For me, writing is a way to dig a little deeper into my me-ness so that I can experience a spark of connection and normalcy in a world that is often a lonely and SO FUCKING WEIRD. Ooooh, I just had a thought about what this blog post is.
This blog post is an awkward word hug! HUUUUUUUG!
Writing is just one of the many effective coping strategies that work for me. Writing doesn't slay all my demons, but it turns down the volume of their disruptive commentary about whatever is jumping in and out of my consciousness and what is going on in my life so that I can sort my shit and keep doing life. Coping skills are the bomb when they work. It's important to find ones that work because life is yucky sometimes and we can't simply opt out of the bad stuff. No matter what spiritual lens you use to look at life, there is NO way to deny the darkness that exists so we all MUST find a way back to the light.
I have spent my entire conscious LIFE trying out coping skills to find ones that jibe with my vibe. It's an ongoing process. I have been at it in a focused and intentional way since I was 17 years old, but in therapy I discovered that my existential crisis started in the Fall of 1974 on the way to IHOP after church. That story, (as well as the story about porn and baby animals) IS in my new book.
As I improve my ability to regulate the flow of my soul in a more efficient and authentic way, I have found it that writing and reading are my two primary ways of coping with everyfuckingthing and that is why I am writing a new book for you to read. Those of you who are still reading this post and wondering why will most likely NOT want to read it.
AND THAT'S OKAY!
But for those of you that ARE confused readers, I just way to say that curiosity does not always kill the cat. Sometimes a curious cat ends up getting belly rub, some catnip, or a fat mouse to snack on. You could build up a tolerance to this fucking nonsense. I'm not always this inappropriate.
That's a lie. I am. I am consistently, terribly inappropriate for no other reason than it feels completely natural, comfortable, and very flow to me. I don't even think about it unless someone points it out and then I usually hum a little Gaga while I consider whether I should take on the burden of being uncomfortable so that someone else can be comfortable with me.
"I'm beautiful in my way, 'Cause God makes no mistakes, I'm on the right track, baby I was born this way."
I am seriously so excited about my new book. The working title is "God Don't Know Me and the Devil Don't Want Me: Coping and Hoping with Life Lived In-Between." So...if I can just stop looking at baby animals and porn on the internet and get to typing out the stories I've been scribbling down in journals for the last 5 years, maybe I'll have it done before God and the Devil have to flip a coin to see who gets stuck with me for all eternity.