I was helping my daughter practice tying her shoes. She had just done it for the very first time the previous day.
Waaaaa! I can't doooooooo it. I'll never get it again! - Her
You did it yesterday a whole bunch of times and you'll do it again today. It just takes practice to get it down. - Me
IhatethissomuchIwillneverlearnthisissohardwhyareyoumakingmedothis? - Her
And then she...
Elbowed me hard in the boob trying to get off my lap
Pounded on the door
Flung herself on the sofa
Threw her shoes
I think that's about it. There was a bunch of whining and blabbing too, but I can't remember all of what she said, because my boob was smarting like a mofo. The kid never fails to nail me right in the tender part of my tit. Go figure.
I said something about learning how to be patient and tolerating frustration better. I hugged her.
She said something about how hopeless the situation was and hugged me back. Then she pulled away to continue freaking out.
I told her to cut the drama and try to calm down.
She told me to shut up.
The words were seconds old. She immediately cut the drama and calmed down. Oh yeah, she knew.
I'm sorry. - Her
I know. I accept your apology, however... - Me
I'm so sorry. I feel terrible. - Her
Thank you, however, telling me to shut up hurt my feelings and was very disrespectful. That is NOT how families talk to each other and that is certainly NOT how to speak to someone who is trying to comfort and help you. - Me
I know. I'm so sorry! Iamtheworstbadpersonever. - Her
You are not the worst, but you are grounded. - Me
I know. I'm still sooooooorry...... - Her
We hugged again and talked a bit and that was that. She accepted the consequence and I wondered what kind of whining and carrying on I would have to endure during her week long grounding. OY! There's just not enough wine to handle the whine, was what I was thinking.
There has been NO whining. Also no more telling me to shut up. She's been my shadow now for three days and I've loved every minute of it. I've loved listening to her read and sing and watching her draw. I love how she's bat shit crazy for Pokemon and knows everyfucking thing about them and how she thinks Lickilicky looks like Miley Cyrus.
I love the way she has opened up to me in a way she hasn't done before, and not just because I asked her to, but because she wanted to. She could have holed herself up in her room alone writing in her journal about how much she hates me, but instead, she's taken a lot of time to talk with me about all the noise in her sweet mind and dang, it's noisy in there. She really needed to talk. And talk and talk and talk...
This was a tough one, you know, for both of us. She is learning that her words and actions have consequences, not just for her, but for others, learning that once you hurt someone, you can't un-hurt them, but you can help them heal. I am learning that I have to mean what I say and follow though because if she doesn't learn how to handle frustration and still be kind to others, she's gonna be fucked!
Fucked I say!
So although I'm looking forward to the day she's ungrounded and can use electronics, play video games and play with friends again, I am also looking forward to the day she says or does something else to get herself grounded and has privileges taken away again.
Because the quiet, slow pace of the past few days has been such a glorious gift. Over the past three days, I've learned more about how my daughter thinks and feels than I have in the entire ten years I've known her. If I'm exaggerating, it's only a little. And that's why the day my daughter told me to shut up turned out to be a great day.
I look forward to the day she calls me a bitch and I can ground her again, because we still have a lot to learn.
P.S. Oh my god - what the shit is with Pokemon anyway? Just wow....
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