Archive for August 2014

Shopping for school supplies is like getting stabbed in the eye with a #2 pencil

My awesome guest blogger today is Lenora Rand. She writes a blog here on ChicagoNow called Spiritual Suckitude – great fucking blog title, right? Who doesn’t want to be more spiritual? I know I do. You can find Lenora’s not sucky blog by clicking HERE and also “like” her on Facebook by clicking HERE. Now... Read more »

Dephuckinglicious Lasagna: Another F*ck You Dinner Recipe By Moms Who Drink And Swear

In July, I posted the first of what I hope will be many Fuck You Dinner recipes, a recipe for good goddamn homemade chicken tenders. I promised to share more, but I’ve spent the summer telling dinner to go fuck itself and letting my crothfruit’s shitty dinner requests roll and not cooking much. My kids... Read more »

I'm a little jealous of Jill Duggar

Jill Duggar-Dillard is pregnant. Damn, that was rapid-fire baby making, even by Duggar standards. I can just see her mighty breeder eggs leaping out of her ovaries and rolling toward the gallons of her husband’s pent up spermies. I’m jealous. Not because she’s pregnant. Oh hell no. I’d rather spend ten years wiping drool off... Read more »
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Seeing the other side: The lovers and the haters of The Ice Bucket Challenge

The ChicagoNow blogger community has started a new thing called This Blogger Life, sort of like This American Life, but with blogging. Our community managers give us a theme and we can choose to write about it. Or not. Last week, the theme was Taking a Break, and since I was still healing from my... Read more »

The day my daughter told me to shut up turned out to be a great day

I was helping my daughter practice tying her shoes. She had just done it for the very first time the previous day. Waaaaa! I can’t doooooooo it. I’ll never get it again! – Her You did it yesterday a whole bunch of times and you’ll do it again today. It just takes practice to get... Read more »

It's back to school time, assholes!

It’s that time of year again – back to school! And with back to school comes the inevitable bitching and bitches – and bastards and motherfuckers and also nice people and joy and freedom and blah, blah – but today I just want to focus on the assholes. Dear sweet parents, we can be awesome... Read more »
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You will always be wrong, and that's all right, because everything is going to be all right

You will always be wrong, and that’s all right. I’m sad that Robin Williams died from depression. That’s how he died you know, from depression. Depression manifests itself differently in each host human, much like cancer or any other disease. It’s a chronic, progressive condition. It can be treated, yes, but even when it’s well... Read more »

Please tell me this stuff happens in your house too

Please go brush your teeth! Me I lost my toothbrush. Her Wait. What? Lost? How is that even possible? Me I think I lost it at camp. Her You have been back from camp for two weeks. Me I know. And my teeth are really starting to feel super gross. Her So you are telling... Read more »