This month’s Blogapalooza challenge? Defend your guilty pleasure.
WITH GUILT FREE PLEASURE, MOTHERFUCKERS!
First I want to ask you to tell me your favorite color.
Actually, don’t. Because I don’t give a shit what your favorite color is, but that’s not because I don’t care about you. I care a lot about you as a human being and I hope that your life is full of joy. I hope you have many things to love, I just don’t need to know what they are, including your favorite color, because it’s YOUR favorite, not mine. But that’s not the point and I only have an hour to write, so moving on…
MY favorite color is sparkle.
Yeah, you read that right. I love sparkle, and don’t tell me that sparkle isn’t a color, because it I already know that. I’m trying to make a point and I don’t have time for your complaining!
I like things that sparkle, especially fictional vampires. I like the Cullens. I like the Twilight books. The Twilight Series is my guilty pleasure. Actually, I don’t feel a bit guilty about loving Stephanie Meyer’s books and I think anyone who thinks I should feel guilty for liking them should be the one feeling guilty.
BECAUSE IT’S SHITTY TO PASS JUDGMENT ON ANYONE AND/OR MOCK THEM FOR WHAT THEY LOVE.
People who feel the need to make fun of what other people love, believing that their preferences are superior, are saying a lot about more about themselves than they are about the things they mock.
Recently, Shailey Woodley, the star of the upcoming film Divergent, based on the book, Divergent, decided to throw down some smack talk about Twilight being "unhealthy." In my opinion, that was a very uncool move for a chick whose practically killing herself in interviews trying to be as cool as the character she’s playing.
Bitch please; nobody is as cool as Tris! (But you are adorable and I think you are a good actress. Yay, YOU!)
Tris is the shiz. She’s brave, strong, beautiful and NOT FUCKING REAL. It’s true that Bella Swan is all about her sparkly, dead beau and certainly her character struggles with feelings of inferiority. She’s dark, sad, smart, desperately lonely and NOT FUCKING REAL. But her struggles are a hell of a lot more real and relatable for most girls in the REAL world, because let's face it, many teenage girls live and die by their love lives. Maybe it's not the most "normal" or healthy way to be, but teenagers aren't known for being normal or healthy. Seriously, they are practically certifiably insane, hi-jacked by their hormones.
Tris and Bella are fictional characters created by talented storytellers who write FICTION.
Why in the world of ten ton fucks is should a person feel guilty about enjoying a work of fiction in the genre that interests them?
You know what IS a guilty pleasure for me? Ignoring my kids, job, pets, housework and everything in my real life to snuggle up under a blanket with a glass of wine and read a book from start to finish. I won’t lie, sometimes I’ll read two books in a row on a lazy Sunday, and yes, I do sometimes feel guilty about it, even though I really shouldn't.
Ah, but sometimes I don’t. There is nothing wrong with needing time to myself and taking it. I’m not putting anyone in danger when I have a book binge day (or night). I never completely ignore any of my responsibilities, although I half ass every last one of them.
Guilt is a terrible feeling. Nobody likes it and should only feel it if they have done something that hurts others. It doesn’t hurt anyone for me to like the Twilight Series (and Nickelback), yet when people hear that I like it, they act as if I’ve offended them with my choice.
Fuck them. Fuck anyone, even the people who I love and I know loves me, for taking their ugly, judgy bullshit out on my sparkly good fucking time.
You heard me – fuck all ya’ll. With a chainsaw. A rusty one. Up your butt.
I do sort of feel bad about telling you to go fuck yourself up the butt with a rusty chainsaw. Not guilty enough to apologize or take it back, but you know…I don’t feel good about it. I don’t experience pleasure in the idea of anyone experiencing anal discomfort and risking tetanus.
But I do feel good about how much I love the Twilight books. All of them. And nobody can make me feel guilty about that pleasure. Nobody.
Buy my offensive and hilarious book that has an entire essay devoted to Twilight HERE. It's so fucking good your head will explode.
Just do it. Don't miss a post. I promise that I will ask you to watch a Twilight movie with me. That's a lie. I probably will.
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