Ugh and pfffth to romance in real life. It doesn’t interest me in the least. I say blergh to candlelight dinner, flowers, sweet talk, compliments or cuddles. I'm the type of gal who likes to see what I’m eating, and cleaning up dead flowers is a pain in the ass. Words are cheap, my love language is action, motherfuckers. And honestly, after sex, I just want a meaty sandwich and a nap. Being so practical and un-romantic, I guess it might sound weird that I love chick clicks and sappy romance stories, but I do. I can’t deny that love like in the movies (and books) gives me joy.
I love Twilight. Everybody knows this. I can make almost any situation fit a scene from Twilight and I can work random quotes from the book and movie into conversation. I just can’t help myself. I read the entire Twilight series in four days. What can I say? It was during a time in my life when not only did I need diversion, but needed the diversion to be completely unrealistic and fantastical, and by the way, FUCK anyone who thinks I should be embarrassed about my Twilight obsession. I care more about the booger I flicked out the window yesterday while I was driving or a stray pube I find on a toilet seat than I care about what anyone thinks of my taste in books, movies and music.
For me, romantic books and movies are temporary diversions from reality, and it’s not just Twilight I can quote. I can’t even eat mashed potatoes without saying, “Mmmm…these mashed potatoes are so creamy,” like the mom kept repeating on Christmas Eve dinner in the movie While You Were Sleeping, a movie I have seen no less than 100 times. When I was on bed rest during my second pregnancy, I watched it three times in one day. THREE FUCKING TIMES. You don't even want to know how many times I've watched this…
If I can escape for a few hours into a good book or a movie, it makes all the difference in my mood and sanity level. Recently, I had a day, day of pure shit. I can’t think of anything shittier than that day. It was shittier than what I imagine having to spend the day having sex with Rush Limbaugh would be like. I needed a distraction, so I picked up my advance copy (writer perk) of Love Like The Movies by Victoria Van Tiem and devoured it.
IT WAS FUCKING DELICIOUS. Reading the book was as pleasurable as eating a pile of warm, buttery, creamy mashed potatoes. Maybe even more so.
The story was smooth and funny and clever. The main character, Kensington, or Kenzi, starts off by telling us that when she was nine, she fired her mom. “I simply wrote in bright red marker, ‘you are fired.’ I also drew a smiling daisy and a frog.”
Yes, a perfect opening to a perfect book. This story was a warm hug of romance and familiarity, but it also had a shit-ton of realistic characters and situations that were very relatable. When I was done with the book, I found myself not wanting to say goodbye to Kenzi, and to me, that’s the sign of a good goddamn story. Reading Love Like The Movies It was exactly what I needed and I’m telling you right fucking now that you need to read it too.
Buy the E-book, Love Like The Movies by Victoria van Tiem by clicking HERE.
This is not a paid endorsement. I'm just a big fucking fan of this book and it's Love Like The Movies launch day. I love supporting fellow authors when I can, because I know how shitty it is to self promote and market. Man, it's a lot of fucking pressure. Not fun. Not as bad as having sex with Rush Limbaugh, but still...
Buy my offensive and hilarious book HERE. It's so fucking good your head will explode.
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