Fear can suck my chocolate, salty balls

Blog prompt for Blogapalooza: Write about fear, or lack thereof, and the role it has played in any aspect of your life. You have an hour to write a blog and post it.

What the mother of all ten ton fucks kind of awesome prompt is that? Challenge accepted, motherfucker!

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. What role does my lack of fear play in my life? Well, I write this blog, don’t I? That tells you a little something, doesn’t it?

I’m often asked what my family and friends think of my blog. Do they get upset about the things I write? Do I think about this at all when I write?

First of all, I don’t know what they really think, but the important people in my life have expressed nothing but support and encouragement, despite their occasional worry, discomfort and concern. They understand that I write hyperbolic humor with a metric fuck-ton of profanity and nothing they say or do will change that. Second, if they get upset, they haven’t told me so, and if they did, I’m sure we’d talk it out and again, not much would change with regard to the way I write or live, but I’ll get to why that is in a minute. Last thing, NO, I don’t think much about this when I write. I don’t think much about what others think at all with regard to what I write, how I look, the decisions I make or how I live my life.

Why? Because my life is fucking mine!

In real life, I am not much different than I am on my blog and Facebook page. I love cheap wine, dick jokes and talking about monkeys farting and flinging poop. I call people cocksuckers and motherfuckers, and often these are terms of endearment. I love learning, reading, music, food, animals, books, physical affection and all things supernatural and spiritual. All my life, I’ve been a hyperactive, filter-less, sloppy, foul-mouthed, loud, difficult underachiever. There was a time when I tried not to be all these things, but that time has long passed.

You see, one day, I became fearless. I learned how to let shit go. I learned how to BE in the moment and stop wasting my time and energy on people, ideas, and things that reeked of fear and mindlessness. I made peace with me. I chased the things that made me happy and in doing so, I got distance from the things that didn’t.

I don’t have a lot of family or friends, so there aren’t many people to complain about what I say or do. The family and friends I do have get me, as I get them. I can’t tell you if they approve of what I say and do, but I can tell you that their approval doesn’t affect the choices I make. There was a time when it did, but that time has long passed.

You see, one day, I realized that although the people in my life are important to me, I couldn’t live my life for them, just as they can’t live their lives for me. There’s an old saying that talks about having to love yourself before you can truly love others. I believe this to be a fundamental truth.

When I became fearless, I lost some of my outer shell. My appearance changed significantly and so did my life plan. I got comfortable in my own skin and I feel so fucking good about the person in this skin. Now, I don’t tolerate discomfort unless I have to. I don’t court it by worrying about anything that doesn’t nurture my soul or the souls of the people I love.

Laughter nurtures all of our souls. This blog, this life – it’s about joy and curiosity and honesty and being authentic. Anything else is a waste of my time. And you know what? THAT is the only thing I do fear – wasting time. I love this life too much to let a drop of the awesome get away. Fear can suck my chocolate salty balls, you know?

And that's an hour….

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