What does your Christmas tree says about you?

You can tell a lot about someone by looking at their Christmas tree. At least that's what I think. When I visit a new friend's house for the first time during the holiday season, I look very closely at their Christmas tree. Of course that's after I scour the bookshelves, take a quick peek in their refrigerator, raid the medicine cabinet, and check under their toilet seats for critters. Really, Christmas is a very good time of year to get some intel that you wouldn't get during the non-decorating months.

What?

How can looking at Christmas Ornaments can tell me more about a person?  I suppose it seems like a silly thing to say, when one can usually learn everything they need to know about someone just by knowing how much they weigh, what they look like or how big their penis is. Important things like what kind of car a person drives or what brand of clothes they wear, are really the best indicators of their worth and importance in the grand scheme of things. Duh! So why even bother with further evaluation?

Well, sometimes I like to act shallow and delve into their memories and traditions in order to see what makes a new pal tick. And I'm easily distracted. I mean, after I check in their nightstands to see if they clean their sex toys and check out what size tampons they use, (Super plus = slut!) it's really the only interesting thing left to do unless my new friends have pet monkeys for me to play with.

I guess I shouldn't judge people too harshly based on their ornaments. After all, there are some questionable things hanging on my tree. I can just imagine how people would judge me despite my obvious beauty, wealth, giant penis, and sparkly clean and sterile vibrators. And my multi-talented monkeys.

Read more about my family's fucked up traditions by reading this old post - Fucked up and fabulous fun of family traditions!

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