I love everyone, except when I don't.

I love people. Love them. Until I don’t. When that happens, I can’t be around them. But since I am a person, I have to be around me, because I can’t get away from myself. I wish I could. I get sick to death of myself too. It’s frustrating, but I’ve figured out how to get some relief when I find myself going through this phase, a phase I go through a couple of times a year, usually in response to being totally overwhelmed by - you guessed it – people.

I know what kind of things have an effect on my physical and emotional well being, which in turn, effects my spiritual well being. I may be highly distractible and pithy, but still I fancy myself to be semi-self-actualized. I also fancy fancying things.

OH GOD I AM SO DEEP! And delusional. And fancy.

People without insight are always complaining about how stupid other people are, complaining about people in general, totally unaware that they are projecting their own bull-shittical-ness onto others. Sometimes I am very un-insightful and prone to complaining myself. I’m no different than anyone else in the sense that I’m just trying to figure it all out. I might be a little bit fancier, but I also get tired of being so fancy, and tired of listening to myself complain.

(However, in my defense, sometimes it’s perfectly well and good to be annoyed by people who are, in fact, annoying as a fist sized hemorrhoid hanging out your assholio. But that doesn’t give me an excuse to bitch-slap or word-smack someone because I can’t control my reactions.)

Retreat is good for the soul. Making time to relax, to reflect, re-direct one’s energy that is being misused fueling agitation toward more positive things is smart, healthy, and totally necessary, albeit not fancy. I know when it’s time to withdraw a bit, to be okay with doing, thinking, and feeling nothing for a while, to retreat. And last week, it was time.

But since it’s impossible to do, think, and feel nothing, I had to do something! But fuck self-actualization, fuck the spiritual growth, insight and knowledge, and fuck being productive, and fuck being fancy. I made an attempt to turn it all off! So here’s what I did during my people retreat.

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