Dance like no-one is watching, even if you feel like horse-sh*t

My body was rebelling against today. I don’t know what it hads against this particular day, but when I woke up this morning, my body and today, Thursday, immediately engaged in a battle of wills against what is usually not so Monday-like. I couldn’t let that kind of horse-shit continue.

What kind of horse-shit you ask?

Two cups of coffee spilled? Check. Check.

Broken glass in the sink? Check.

Dog shit under piano bench? Check.

Garbage bag leaking all over the floor? Check.

Eyes so unfocused that words look like puke on a page? Check.

Effort to sooth self with candy thwarted by empty bag? Check




Forgot to pick up RX for happy pills? Check.

Frightened by husband’s lack of problem solving skills and common sense? Check.

Both kids at Defcon 1 levels of aggressive bastard? Check. Check.

Incessant barking at fucking NOTHING by wiener dogs? Check. Check.

Too much to do, not enough time in the day? Check and horse shit check.

Feeling the urge to throw myself down on the floor and have a tantrum? Check.

What to do?

I mean things could be so much worse, and I couldn’t believe I was being such a whiny fucking bitch. I knew that I needed to get my mind and body right. I knew that I needed to pull the trigger on Thursday for real, because life doesn’t wait. Life stomps all over whiny fucking bitches.

I knew that dancing it out was the only way. THE ONLY WAY! You know, turning on the music and dancing like nobody is watching, but if someone was watching, they would be terrified and uncomfortable, so they would look away, no longer watching, so I could keep dancing like nobody is watching? This is what fierce, brave broads do.

We fight for happy, we don’t take horse-shit, and we certainly don’t cry over spilled coffee (dog-shit, leaky garbage, empty candy bags…..). It’s all about perspective, and I had to get me some. Dancing it out helps me do that. Always. In no time, I’d be a fierce and brave broad instead of a whiny fucking bitch.

Dance it OUT! Fuck yeah!

I turned on the music, realized that I was bra-less because my gigantic boobs were feeling tender and much too sore to bounce with such force.

Hmmmm….whiny bitch or fierce broad?

But going upstairs to get a bra would mean I’d have to see the kids, and I was trying to avoid them until I was fierce and awake enough to stop being an unreasonable horse-shit-head.

Hmmmm….whiny bitch or fierce broad?

If I was going to really dance it out like nobody was watching, I couldn’t very well do so while holding my jugs.

A whiny fucking bitch would give up. A fierce and brave broad would suck it up. My kids would soon be watching me, as they always are, expecting me to be their voice, their strength, to set a good example, to be the epitome of non-horse shit fucking bitch-ness, to be fierce and brave. To forgive them for putting the empty fucking mint M & M bag back in the pantry, which I did (but I’m not going to let them forget it).

I danced to this song. And then I wrote the blog you are reading right fucking now, because if I can do it, you can too. Be fierce today. Make Thursday your bitch.

You’ve got the honey! DANCE THAT HORSE-SHIT OUT.

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The end.

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