Archive for July 2013

Trying to raise big fish in a small pond

Unlike my own childhood, where vacations were a yearly thing, my children have been on only two vacations. We just returned from number two. Now don’t get me wrong, I didn’t grow up gallivanting off to the tropics or ski resorts. My mom and dad dragged us all over the United States in a station... Read more »

Tribes: Knowing the truth about where you belong

Tribes: Knowing the truth about where you belong
When my blog and Facebook page began to “take off,” an old friend sent me the book, Tribes, written by Seth Godin. This old friend is actually someone from high school, a guy who was two years ahead of me and really only an acquaintance during those years, but we were both Naperville Central High... Read more »

I think the royal baby should be called Thor

The royal vagina has birthed a wee baby! I think Will and Kate should consider the name Thor. It’s robust and regal and powerful. Ah, but as usual, the haters are all, “Who cares what they name the baby?“ and “What’s the big deal? Women do it every day?”  Whatever jerk wads. I, on the... Read more »
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With great power comes great responsibility (and mildly narcissistic rantings about whiny bitches)

People often ask me why I raise money for other charities and organizations instead of creating my own. And lately some have asked why I’m not as funny as I used to be ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I’m fucking hilarious. Shut your holes, haters. Anyway, do you know how hard it is to run a... Read more »

Boobs and Chicken Nuggets

Boobs. Knockers. The twins, tits, milk-bags, melons, cha-chas, fun-bags, jugs, milkshakes and ta-tas are just a few of my favorite euphemisms for the word breast. After the conversation I had with my daughter yesterday, I’m adding droopy nuggets and sad-sacks to the list. ME  Do you want to try chicken nuggets again? I’m so excited... Read more »

10K Training - A Truly Scary Story

Liars can fib about just about anything and everything, but they can’t be dishonest about whether or not they have actually trained for a run, especially in the light of day when they are at the actual starting line in the blistering hot sun, two seconds away from starting a race. I am a poet,... Read more »
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My Sweet Spot in Chicago

When I am driving into the city of Chicago from what my city dwelling friends call, “Knepper-tucky,” or “Rural route where the hell am I,” my breath hitches at the first glimpse of the Chicago skyline. The familiar buildings such as the Sears Tower, (don’t tell me to call it that other name because I... Read more »

Moms Who Drink And Swear is gonna be trippy as balls

Moms Who Drink And Swear is gonna be trippy as balls
When I use the word stabby to describe my feelings, I’m not suggesting that I’m going to stab anything or that I even want to. I am merely using a word that carries a strong violent image, hoping to convey the intensity of the feeling I have about a person, place, thing, behavior, etc. STABBY!... Read more »

Safe Kids, Smart Parents: What Every Parent Needs to Know to Keep Their Children Safe

Safe Kids, Smart Parents: What Every Parent Needs to Know to Keep Their Children Safe
If you were to ask one hundred parents what their greatest hope is with regard to their children, I’m willing to bet that they would all say they want their children to be happy and safe. Safe kids are happy kids. Smart parents take steps to make sure they do everything in their power to... Read more »
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Guess what fellas? Farts are not f**king foreplay!

Farts are almost always funny. I say almost, because sometimes farts make me mad instead of glad. Most of the time, farts make me feel giggly, relaxed and peaceful. Nothing gets me right like a powerful purging of poisonous gas after a weekend of summer festival binge eating or overdosing on veggies and ranch dip... Read more »