The title of my blog can be off putting for some, as they assume it is simply a blog that encourages moms to embrace alcoholism and bad language as part of their parenting repertoire. I’m often asked why I write a blog that encourages parents to curse and get liquored up to deal with the frustrations that come with parenting. I’m asked why I brag about being a potty mouthed alcoholic.
Well, duh, I don’t write a blog about alcoholism and bad language. I don’t encourage parents to set a bad example for their children by getting shit faced and saying naughty words. I write a blog about life. I write about what it’s like to live an authentic life, an imperfect life, a life where shit happens, and in writing about life, I often confess that I have a potty mouth and enjoy drinking cheap wine. But hell, I’m only responsible for what I say, not for how people interpret what I say.
The title of my blog came from a Facebook group I created in 2008 that meant to provide a safe space for frustrated mommas, and the name was just my tongue and cheek effort at identifying a couple of behaviors we moms use that make us feel just the opposite of encouraged. And honestly, I personally feel very discouraged and disappointed when I have a rough day with the kids and totally lose my shit. Some days are just harder than others and not only am I impatient, but I end up using bad language, and then after wishing the day away and finally tucking the kids into bed, I plop my guilty feeling, fat ass down on the sofa with a glass of wine, and escape into a book or one of my beloved crime or zombie shows on television.
Do I need a glass of wine?
Do I want a glass of wine?
Do I always drink a glass of wine when I want one?
On the super shit-tastic days when I want to check out and forget how bad I feel about shit, be it some crap that has to do with my children or not – those days, I know it’s best NOT to have a glass of wine. Those days, I know that it would be healthier to call a friend and talk, write in my journal, work out or take the dogs for a walk after the kids turn in for the night. Sometimes I do one or more of those things. Because if I drink, I don’t have to think, and if I don’t think, how can I get my shit together? How can I set and maintain realistic expectations for myself as a parent if I’m not consciously doing so on a regular basis?
But …..sometimes I do drink some fucking wine even though I know it’s not the healthiest choice. Sometimes I swear and mumble and yell after the tenth time one of my kids gets out of bed, needing or wanting something and I have nothing left to give to anyone, including myself as evidenced by the full glass of wine that sits untouched on the table next to the sofa where I am snoring like a pug with a sinus infection. Sometimes I'm too worn out to give myself a wee bit of wine or watch some fictional crime. Other times, I drink the glass and lick my lips like the dog who just scored a litter box treat log.
So what’s the point here?
The point is that this blog isn’t about drinking and swearing, but I do use those behaviors as examples of how parents demonstrate our imperfect humanity to our children. My kids know that I sometimes drink wine and I frequently say very, bad words. They don’t expect perfection, but there has never been a time when drinking a glass or two of crappy wine prevented me from taking care of our family and making sure problems and solved, people are safe and shit gets done.
But I realize this isn’t the case in some families so how, you might ask, can I espouse tolerance for these behaviors, even making light of them, knowing full well that there are plenty of alcoholic parents in the world who use foul language in ways that harm their children?
Well, it’s actually quite easy! Most moms and dads are not verbally abusive alcoholics, rather we are imperfect parents, going along, doing our thing, the best we can, and sometimes our best includes an adult beverage (or two) and a bad word (or sixteen). We are shit-heads.
However, if you find yourself worried that you might be a shit-head with a drinking problem, and you are wondering just how you can know for sure, I can help you get started on figuring that shit out. If you think there is a possibility that you have a drinking problem, you probably do, and you need to address it. Immediately. This doesn’t mean you are an alcoholic. It might be a temporary problem. It’s unfortunately not uncommon for this to happen, for people to use alcohol to cope. Truthfully, most people struggle at one time or another with overwhelming life circumstances and lean on alcohol for support. They want a drink, but they don’t need a drink. They might never get to that point. Most don’t. Some do.
It’s important for you to know that alcoholism isn’t simple problem that can be fixed lickety-split. It’s a complex disease that rips families to shreds and ruins lives. If you think you have a problem, you probably do or you are at least in the throes of a crisis or some kind and have found yourself without or unable to handle using healthy coping skills. Talk to someone about it. I try to weave in a bit of health psychology into my posts, hoping to light a curious flame under your ass that hopefully turns into a huge, roaring fire of knowledge as you seek out more information on these different topics. I write to encourage you, the reader, to think on the things about which I blab - To think about life - your life.
You might have an alcoholic in your life. That alcoholic might be you, and if it is, and you are a loyal reader, you already know that my blog isn’t a support group of enablers, encouraging problem drinkers to destroy themselves and their families. You know that I want you to get help if your shit is screwed up. My blog, Moms Who Drink And Swear, is not a celebration of alcoholism! I write about everything and nothing, and sometimes the topics I choose to write about include shit about drinking and swearing. On this blog, and in the group, we celebrate the good shit, grieve over the bad shit, and embrace a place where nobody has to feel like shit if we have acted like a shit or messed up all kinds of shit and really just need to talk about that shit.
The shit-heads who read my blog know this already, but as of late, I'm finding that some others who are wobbly about liking my blog need a bit of clarification with regard to this shit, because you know, shit happens and when it does, it's best to deal with that shit head on.
I hope this blog cleared shit up.
My book has a lot of bad words in it. Buy the shit anyway.