A Procrastination Intervention

A Procrastination Intervention
Should I use this photo for my Linkedin profile? Be honest.

I want to be the kind of person who is orGANized and MOtiVATED!

I want to be the girl who gets birthday cards in the mail on time, writes and sends thank you notes in a reasonable period of time (reasonable being defined as?). I want to be able to twerk like Miley Cyrus. I want hot dogs to be heathy. I wanted to wake up this morning and learn that magical elves had taken a heat gun to my floor and removed this shitty linoleum, freeing my husband and I up to have hot, dirty sex - ALL WEEKEND LONG!

Just kidding.

About the sex part, not the linoleum. The linoleum is some stubborn, sticky bulla shittay!

Thanks for NOTHING elves. NOTHING you little shits.

Thanks for NOTHING elves. NOTHING you little shits.

But I woke to find that the elves didn't visit, one of my very best friend's daughter is celebrating another birthday without a card from me, and I have a mile high stack on my desk of thank notes, cards, books and other prizes to send out to MWDAS winners. Hot dogs are still just meaty and delicious carcinogen delivery devices and really - CAN ANYBODY TWERK LIKE MILEY? CAN THEY? I think not. 

I want. I wish. But I'm me and me procrastinate (say this in the voice of Ralph Wiggum).

Me fail English? That's unpossible!

Me fail English? That's unpossible!

I don't like being a procrastinator, but dammit I AM! It's a problem and a habit and a way of life and even my house elves are procrastinators. Or oppositional drunks on strike. Maybe they started the project and got so high from that nasty floor glue and snuck out of the house and got hit by a car? Maybe the did try and I'm being unfair? Now I'm worried about my elves.

I'm so off topic here, right? See what I mean? But I do have a point. The point? I've got myself in a stress lather over how I have yet to send out books and prizes and cards and whatnot so I'm doing it this weekend!

I've decided to get organized and motivated right fucking NOW, so instead of feeling sad about the things that make me feel like I'm the worst, I have decided to put my best foot forward today and set myself up for success. Since my plan is to get the mega-pile of stuff on my desk sent out this weekend and I figured I'd add to the pile.

SIX BOOKS. I AM GIVING AWAY SIX MORE BOOKS.

Did I just say book giveaway?

YUP. And according to Publisher's Weekly, some readers who took time to review the book online, (thankyouverymuchforthatbecauseit'sreallyimportanttome) and my mom, (who has no reason be biased about my book at all) it "doesn't suck," and "showcases my gift for witty observation." IF YOU WIN, I will send you two books. One for you and one for a friend. Mother's Day gift? Teacher gift? Baby shower gift? YES to all those things. Or you can just keep them both for yourself because like me, you enjoy even numbers and hoard books like Howard Hughes hoarded his pee pee in jars. You decide.

So how do you win?

In the comments of this blog post, tell me about the first blog post of mine you ever read. It can be an old or new post, serious or silly. I just want to know what you read that made you decided to keep reading! This time, I will choose the winners, quickly, because jaysus crap, the Jenga-style pile on my desk cannot possibly get any higher. It's mocking me too, a silent pile that represents one of my worst habits - procrastination - so it's time for this game of loser Jenga to end. Help me be at my best.

And go.....

*If you like my blog - share it, subscribe and consider loaning me your elves, because that linoleum ain't gonna remove itself thankyouverymuch!*

Leave a comment