DO I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION?
Good, thought so. It's a cheap trick really, using the word SEX the headline for this blog post, but I don't care. SEX IS IMPORTANT. Talking to kids about sex is as important as talking to them about good nutrition, safety or why the sooner they learn that the worst, sneakiest and stupidest things they have done and feel bad about, you've probably done too and would understand. I have invited Amy Lang from Birds and Bees and Kids to write a guest blog for MWDAS for two reasons.
The first reason is simple as diddling your junk: She is in the know and it's her job to be just so. She is a trusted and knowledgable resource for all things SEX. The second reason is also simple: The sex talk is one of the few "shoulds" in parenting. You SHOULD be a trustworthy and safe source of information for your kid about this topic so for the many reasons included in this truly fantastic and comprehensive piece written by Amy Lang.
LOOK AT HER!
Please take time to read and share this thorough and generous piece I asked Amy to please write for MWDAS.
Introducing the sexy and brilliant Amy Lang from Birds and Bees and Kids telling you what NOT to do, I repeat, what NOT to do, when talking to your kids about fooking and stuff. You can trust her, she is a professional....................
Have you had the sex talk? Dreading it? Well, here’s how NOT to do it. Buck up, slug back a glass of wine and do whatever it takes to get this party started. They will thank you for it.
1) Do NOT have one knock-down-drag-out “talk.” You’ll hate it, they’ll hate it and the chance they ever come back for more is slim. Short and sweet conversations from the time they are in preschool until they leave the nest is the way to go.
2) Do NOT think talking about sexuality will “ruin their innocence.” Their innocence is ruined when they get the wrong information at the wrong time, from the wrong sources.
3) Do NOT neglect to discuss sexual abuse. Kids who know about healthy boundaries, appropriate touch and that sex is for later in life are less likely to be victims of sexual abuse. A child’s safety is an adult’s responsibility.
4) Do NOT freak out when they touch their privates. It’s normal to explore your body - freaking out tells them there is something wrong with them, their body, and you.
5) Do NOT imply that sex is for baby making only. This is fine when they are 4, but they really need to know we have sex for fun 99.9% of the time. It explains what the big deal is - it feels good.
6) Do NOT talk about your own personal, current sex life in detail (or at all, really.) Do you want to know about your parent’s sex life? They don’t either. Keep it to yourself.
7) Do NOT tell them they are too young to know. If they ask, they need to know. Answer their questions as best you can so you keep the communication flowing.
8) Do NOT think because they never ask they don’t need to know. Never asking only means they never ask. Nothing more. This isn’t a free pass to skip the talks. They still need to know.
9) Do NOT pass the buck to school, the internet or their other parent. Nothing sends the message that you aren’t a resource for them like letting someone else teach them about sexuality.
10) Do NOT think “She’s smart. She’s got a good head on her shoulders. She’ll do the right thing.” She is smart, but that’s not enough to keep her from making impulsive and dumb decisions about sex. Make sure she knows her sexual values, limits and how to protect herself.
11) Do NOT tell them they are too young to be in love. If he says he’s in love, he’s in love. Maybe not fully adult, mature, grown up love, but love is love. Respect his feelings.
12) Do NOT communicate that being gay is not okay. You can’t tell by looking. You know you love your child - what’s more important - your relationship with your child or your discomfort?
13) Do NOT try to convince them not to have sex when they tell you they are thinking about having sex. If they tell you they are thinking about having sex, chances are high they have already had sex. It’s smarter to make sure they are using birth control and have condoms. Too late for the compelling reasons to wait talk.
14) Do NOT tell them sex is for marriage and leave it at that. “Marriage” is not a compelling reason to wait to have sex if you are a horny, in-love teenager. They need to know what it is about marriage that makes it the goal.
15) Do NOT believe them when they say they already know it all. Ha! YOU don’t even know it all. Charge ahead with whatever is on your mind. No one ever died from listening to their parent talk about sex.
A three time Mom’s Choice Award® winner for her book, journal and DVD, Amy Lang, MA created the modern mom’s birds and bees talk. She’s been featured in The Wall Street Journal, Seattle Magazine and on www.Babble.com. She teaches in the Seattle area and nationally. Amy offers webcasts, lectures and consultations for parents and anyone who works with kids. Visit BBK Video to learn more.
*I was not paid for this post. I am promoting this high quality and trustworthy resource for you because I think this is very important and dammit, this is my blog so I can do whatever I feel like doing, like shamelessly self promoting my book, which you should buy right now, today, by clicking HERE. BUY IT. BUY MY BOOK. BUY...MY....BOOK.*
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Filed under: Trust me I'm a professional
Tags: Amy Lang, Amy Lang Seattle, Birds and Bees and Kids, helping, how to protect your children from sexual predators, Lady Boner, Mamacon, Mamacon Seattle, metaphors for sex, Moms who drink and swear, Nicole Knepper, Nicole Knepper the book, safe sex, sexual abuse, talking to kids about sex, talking to your kids about sexually transmitted diseases, the birds and the bees, what NOT to do when talking to kids about sex