Archive for November 2012

The pros and cons of carpooling

Carpooling kicks ass. Most of the time. Do I prefer driving TO or picking UP the kids from an activity? Either is marvelous and sometimes not. Let me tell you a little about why I feel this way. If I am the mom who drives the kids TO the practice or meeting, I slow the... Read more »

Mom's letter to Santa Claus

Dear Santa, Yo, can it be that I haven’t written you a letter since what, 1977? I can’t believe my thoughtlessness and I feel bad about blowing you off, because I know damn well that I was on the naughty list from 1980 to 2010, yet you never put coal in my stocking. But this... Read more »

How Charles Bukowski Cheered Me Up on Black Friday

Like Chuck, I took some "medicine." You know, so I could relax.
“I hate everybody. Hate them. And they hate me. The world hates me. The Universe has mistaken me for a toilet and nothing is going my way. Lame-wads are everywhere and they refuse to shut their damn cake holes and leave me ALONE!”   Me on Black Friday. This is what I was thinking the day... Read more »
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Moms who drink and swear - The gift that keeps on giving

I wonder if Erma Bombeck ever got bombed? Before anyone gets offended and prepares to defend the witty Ms. B, take a moment to remember that she had a wicked sense of humor about everything, including herself. Not only did she not shy away from controversial topics, she was quite often the one to initiate... Read more »

Why gift cards really are the perfect gift for teachers

Cate      I am SOOOO excited to buy Mrs. S a Christmas gift. Me       Giving IS exciting! What are you planning to buy for her? Cate     A hamster! She is going to be like, “OMG this is the best gift ever!” Me       Um…has she mentioned wanting... Read more »

Fifty Shades of Funny: Hook-ups, Break-ups and Crack-ups

There are people who refuse to use the proper words when discussing their genitalia. I am not one of these people. There are also people who are uncomfortable talking about sex. I am not one of those people either. And neither are some of the people who contributed to the collection of essays called, “Fifty... Read more »
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Bieber fever - A lesson in being authentic

It's no secret that I'm a Justin Bieber fan. I also enjoy the vocal stylings of Air Supply, Toto, Richard Marx, Mandy Moore, Peter Cetera, Jim Brickman and One Direction.
For as long as I can remember, my friends and family have felt comfortable mocking me or making fun of my taste in food, clothing, music, movies, etc. There was a time when I would feel upset, I shut my trap and pretended to like things that were considered “cool” and made an attempt to... Read more »

My recovery from election PTSD - A therapy session in pictures

At first I remembered how lucky I am to be able to vote. Some bad ass broads fought hard so I do not take the privilege for granted.
Watching television with my son is either A) ehrmagerd awesome or B) more irritating than an itchy hemorrhoid playing peek-a-boo in and out of my butthole. There is no middle ground. He is either being awesome, watching quietly and snuggling up while laughing at all the funny parts of a show, OR narrating the entire... Read more »

Why my friend Cathy needs to join Facebook

My mom was supposed to be having a simple stent procedure and things went down the shitter. I was at the hospital waiting for a vascular surgeon to come and work his magic on my momma (long story). Anyhooo, my girlfriends knew that I was in the dark and twisty world of worry. Having aging... Read more »
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Good Housekeeping gets it right: A seal of approval from a gal who knows she's good enough

Oh Missy you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind! Hey Missy! HEY MISSY! I don’t know if Melissa McCarthy likes to be called Missy, but when I talk or sing about her, that’s what I call her. And I sing that song about her every time I see her on the boob... Read more »