Civilized Correspondence to the Beloved Moms Who Drink & Swear

Dear Moms who drink and swear (MWDAS),

And also the dads that consider themselves MWDAS or grandmas who are active in our group and the people without kids that hang out for laughs and a daily dose of birth control. I removed the earlier version about dads who are in the process of becoming moms because someone got all moody about it, and truly although I usually ignore that shit and move right along with my edgy, uncomfortable and highly inappropriate way of being an equal opportunity offender, but I want the transgender folks to know that I include you in the letter to the beloved as well.

At this time, I am very behind on my correspondence. I LOVE saying that word, correspondence, because it sounds classy and just because I have a potty-mouth doesn’t mean that I’m not civilized and correspondence is a VERY civilized thing. I’m a huge fan of civilization. But I digress (whatever that means, but civilized people say that a LOT and I want to be seen as such).

So like I said, I am terribly behind my correspondence. Emails, texts, voice mail messages, letters, bills, Facebook messages, and so on and so-forth, are taunting and haunting me on the regular. I don’t really give a shit about the bills, but the other stuff upsets me. Especially messages from MWDAS. When you take time to contact me, I feel that it’s rude to ignore your request for a response. That is why I am writing.

Sometimes life just sneaks up on a person and that person realizes that not only are they not wearing pants, but that they were suddenly expected to be wearing pants ALL THE TIME. And that is sort of the metaphor I’m going with here for how I see my responsibilities as Nikki the MWDAS girl. It might not seem that I am grateful for the support and fun that the other 200K MWDAS provide on a daily basis, but I am. I AM. And I know that without you all reading and sharing, I wouldn’t have the opportunity to share some important junk as well as the general tomfoolery, so THANK YOU for being mad clickers and “likers” and for taking the time to contact me. MWDAS has sort of become a full time job that is requiring me to wear “pants” all the time in order to maintain any semblance of civility with regard to this “job,” but I need to address how much it costs, metaphorically speaking, to keep me in pants.

Here’s the part where some of the gratitude and civility might seem like pie in the sky shit for a gal like me to imagine she might possibly possess, but that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. But I digress…AGAIN.

Nothing has changed in the world of Nikki the MWDAS. My world still does NOT include paid product reviews or a paid for spot on my blog roll. It will NEVER include either of those things.

EVER.

Chicago now is my host site and they handle the advertising, which has nothing to do with me and I do not profit from the ads you see on the site. I receive a very small compensation for blogging and it is NOT dependent on page views or the traffic that I generate to the site so although I love the way my writing is shared, it’s only my ego that benefits when I see that a particular post is popular and experiences a wide reach. It helps me grow as a writer and THAT is my passion.

I also do not receive ANY compensation whatsoever from the things I do choose to share in a blog or on my Facebook or Twitter pages. After sharing, I HAVE received notes of gratitude and a few authors have sent me copies of their books. AFTER I shared their stuff, not before and not because they asked me to share, although some authors DO ask me to share their stuff and I have and have not done so. It’s a crap-shoot really.

I’m sort of flaky and unpredictable and when I use self-deprecating humor and shit-talking it’s not because I want people to say, “Awwwwwwwwww, but you are awesome and smart and blah blah bullshit,” or whatever. If I say I’m an idiot, I’m probably just sharing a learning experience that demonstrates the depths of this idiocy and how I strive to overcome this very human condition.

Think about it. According to Facebook, between April 18th and April 24th, 288,733 people viewed the content on the Moms who drink and swear fan page. To me, those numbers mean that a good amount of those people smiled or laughed or learned something, maybe found a new blog to follow or clicked on some link I posted that provided them with invaluable information about how to combat male pattern baldness. To those of you who request that I share YOUR things, those numbers mean something entirely different and I’m talking about cash dollars that you want to earn by getting people to buy, read, support YOUR things. Believe me, I DO UNDERSTAND why you ask me to post your stuff. I’d ask too, you got nothing to lose, right? The worst I can say is, “No.”

So you want to know if I can I post your company website, help you win a honeymoon, family vacation, baby photo contest, pampered whatever, fundraiser or story about how a child dying, realize your dream of becoming a pop-star/model/You tube sensation, mother/father/child with a terrible disease that needs money story, promote your movie, documentary, short film, indie band, find you a job, send you photos of my boobs, pimp out your fundraiser for where you are selling candles and 3.26% of the profits, split evenly OF COURSE, between the injured puppy society and your neighbor who has asthma OR use my page to let EVERYONE know what a dick-head your ex-husband is and how much back child support he owes you?

Yes, I can. But I won’t.

The Moms who drink and swear page on Facebook is a place of refuge where you come for laughter and sometimes for learning. But I have also worked at maintaining a consistent presence in the blog-o-sphere and on Facebook in order to nourish and support souls in need of relief and a feeling of belonging. You don’t come to my blog, Facebook page or Twitter to get bombarded by distractions and demands. Life provides plenty of those, AMIRIGHTORWHAT?

Trust me, it has not been easy for me to hold out and not sell out. I may be flaky, but I’m not stupid. I understand the value of exposure and that is why it is SO VERY important to me to take the needs of our group seriously and not muck it up by becoming a whore for the highest bidder on using my social media spaces. Would you keep coming back if I did? I wouldn’t keep coming back if you did. I wouldn’t and I’m just being honest.

And while I’m being honest, I will tell you that I am lucky that my work has paid off and earned me wonderful literary representation that is in the process of getting ready to sell the book I’ve spent the past 3 years writing. Believe me, if some publisher buys it, I will be whoring myself out to publicize it so that you buy it and I’ll know that it’s ok because I have earned the price of the little slice of dead tree with hilarious stories I have written for me and for you because the community we have is more important to me than I ever imagined it would become when I started it four years ago.

Someday when I DO move out of my parent’s basement (Chicago Now) and into my own apartment or even a house (my own website), the things you WILL see will be the things you want to see and that will benefit you as parents of special needs children, single moms, families struggling with finances/chronic illness/stress and charities that donate the majority of the profits from any fundraiser they do directly to the organizations or people they are raising money for. I will find a way to get you what you are asking for such as t-shirts, funny cards, mugs, wine glasses, etc. at prices that are affordable from quality vendors that provide superior product and I will do this IF I can find a way to make this happen so that some of these profits will also go to strong charitable organizations with reputations for being reliable and trustworthy.

I am now done digressing and want to communicate as clearly as possible that I believe that your correspondence deserves a corresponding reply. For those of you who have sent a request asking me to post your things and whatnot – this is your reply. I shall not be surprised or upset as you click on the button or buttons that will either unsubscribe you to my blog, Facebook or Twitter page. I expect many of you will. Thank you for your time and support and I wish you MAD luck and encourage you to persevere and work your ass off to meet your goals.

For those of you who have taken the time to write to me to share a joke, photo, personal story, interesting link to an article that you know our group will like or just a greeting and words of support – please be patient with me! You have helped me every single day as I struggle to minimize my idiocy and maximize my abilities so that I can keep growing as a human that my kids can be proud of and continue to be a source of entertainment, education and support for the weary, sweary, mob of moms who are Moms who drink and swear!

Most civilized-ly, idiot-ly and warm-ly yours,
Nikki

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  • Just wanted to remind you the I <3 you big time! Life does get busy and while we know that you may have a cape tucked away somewhere, in no way do I expect you to be superwoman. (hmm what would your superwoman cape look like???) Which you would have to be to do all that you do and respond back immediately to all of us....I do like your digression style by the way!
    Keep on giving us a reason to smile though!

    Vickie

  • In reply to Vickiesb:

    vickie, YOU are the real mwdas. part of the community that is helping others, both in small groups behind the scenes and within the group on Facebook. when i hear from the people who are part of the support network that is reaching out and looking for ways to use our talents, treasures and time to help each other, it makes me so grateful and keeps me writing and inspired. it's the increasing amount of "calling in a favor" or requests from people i don't know to do things that i don't even do for myself that blow my mind. thank you for all you do for the MWDAS on Facebook and our little groups. you are good people and i would put on my pants if it meant having a drink with you.

  • Darling Nikki, MWDAS is love, first and foremost. Love and support - whether it's support of the "no you aren't crazy, we all feel that way sometimes" or the "yes, I can help you with a resource to put oil in the tank to keep your kids warm" type or even (and maybe most importantly) support that says "you are loved and valued and no one should treat you that way."

    This - all this - came from you; from your ability to help us find the ridiculous and the funny in day to day life. For showing so many it's okay to be the imperfect human parents we are.

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    damn I was hoping you'd be moving in a whore direction...ok well maybe slutty moms who drink & swear, not whore per se...so close to being perfect, so close ;)

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    I really appreciate the smiles, laughs, knowledge you have brought into my almost daily life. Just as much, I appreciate not getting hit over the head with all the bull shit that I get almost everywhere else. That being said...your a stronger person than most for NOT selling out for things you don't believe in!

    We are stretched thin here after a move 8 states a way 8 months ago to try out life here! Its been a journey that still has it's many uphills so I have to get my entertainment somehwere. I am forced to stay home with the youngest until he starts school in August so as a one car family and no chance to "escape" you have helped keep me smiling.

    Now, I have been baking cookies and selling them...there are literally no bakeries around here. So while I wait for the oven timer I smile and laugh and learn right along with you!

  • GURL!!! I love you! I love that you spew so eloquently the shit I want to say and feel every day! My motto??? FUCK 'EM if they can't take a joke!

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    <3

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