Today is my birthday and I want more.
More birthdays, that is. MORE.
And I want the days in-between those birthdays to have more of the rad, super lucky and precious moments of personal connection I’ve had with the ones I love over this past year like:
Eating a piece of dark chocolate and looking at the moon at 1am when my pooch, Chloe licks my face and wakes me up because her old bladder can’t make it through the night.
More of my daughter hurtling herself into our bed in the middle of the night after a bad dream and announcing, “This is the safest place in the world, but it would be more comfortable if you people would give me some space.”
I want more time watching crime shows and chick flicks with my mom, who has pretty much defied all odds and lived.
More lying on the sofa snuggled up with my chubby dachshund watching crime shows and thinking about how I WILL achieve my bucket list goal of playing a corpse on one of them (preferably the one that has lots of gag-worthy motherfucking scars or half my face peeled back to show my brain).
I want more of my husband grabbing one of my boobs like a radio dial and grabbing his ear and saying, “Come in Tokyo, are you there? COME IN TOKYO!” and then just going about his business as if he didn’t use my rack as a WWII radio.
I want to have more opportunities to argue with my tween son, who is turning into a real life Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Each argument brings us time to talk things out and I get to discover more about the brilliant and interesting person he is becoming (and unfortunately rank smelling unless he has used a bottle of that Axe shower gel and then he just smells like a character from MTV's Jersey Shore).
I want more days when I see the phone number of my friends on my caller ID. Just hearing their voices soothe my soul and reminds me that I am never alone.
I want to see my brother get married and have the life he’s always wanted. I also want to beat him in some type of useless trivia match. This is MY year to humiliate him by repeatedly stumping him with my ability to pull obscure and random quotes from 1980's coming of age movies by the late, great John Hughes.
I just have a LOT of stuff I want to see and do and say and feel and think and I also have a lot of growing up and learning to do. I’m not even close to done with discovering what I can do with my mind and body before it starts to remind me more regularly that it won’t be taking the trip beyond this Earth with me and my soul. I HAVE SO MUCH LEFT THAT I WANT AND NEED TO DO!
As soon as possible, I really need to memorize the rules to “Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock,” since it is taking me 32% longer than I had anticipated.
So, to myself and the God that I believe is listening, I say my usual prayer:
Lord, I offer myself to thee, to do as thou wilt. Deliver me from my bondage of self, so that I may better serve Your will. Take away my doubts and worries so that I can dedicate how to use the unique and amazing gifts You have given me in order to make the world a better place. Also, I know that asking for specific shit from you is rude, but if it is Your will, may I someday play a corpse on a crime show. Amen.