Personal F*&king Space

Personal space; I need it, want it, and am currently not getting enough of it. I can tolerate a certain amount of the in and out of bed nonsense because I understand that kids are strange, needy little space invaders, but there is a limit to what I can stomach before I lose my patience. The only time I am truly relaxed is in the evenings when the kids are tucked in, the husband is sexed up and the mutts are bagging zzzzz’s . I’ve taken care of everyone else and have earned some “Me” time.

 I do realize that resistance to this idea is inevitable because let’s face it, I’m sort of a big deal around here. It’s a pretty rad feeling to be needed, but I have needs too. Therefore I’ve begun to lay the smack down and draw some pretty firm lines as to just how much or many interruptions and personal space violations I will endure during said “Me” time.

So last week, the boy wanders into my bedroom for the 3rd time and snuggles up next to me. I pause my beloved DVR’d episode of Grey’s Anatomy and gave him the stink eye.  Earlier in the evening, we snugged and talked and I’ve tucked him in no less than 3 times at this point. He’s 11 and it’s after 11 PM. I wanted to quote the wise and witty author Adam Mansbach and say, “Go the fuck to sleep,” but instead I went with, “What’s up, Buddy?”

Boy-       Mom, if you could change anything in your life, what would it be?

Usually I am easily sucked in to any attempt to wax philosophical with this kid, but I have a date with McSteamy, and I’ve already let him suck some of the joy out of my "Me" time. He’s not bleeding or burning with fever, so I answer him

Me -      I’d change the fact that you are invading my personal space

                and trying to bogart my “Me” time.

Boy-       No, I’m serious.

Me-       So am I.

Boy-       I’m not trying to be funny, Mom, I’m serious. What would you change?

Me-       I’m not trying to be funny either.  Go away.

Boy-       I’m not tired.

Me -      I don’t care

Boy-       I’m serious.

Me-       So am I. Go Away.

Boy-       What’s your problem?

Me-       YOU.  I already told you that.

And he’s gone, which is good because I’ve paused McSteamy in an awkward sort of place where he doesn’t look very sexy and I need my McSteamy-licious mom porn during my "Me"  time when I’m enjoying my personal space.

My kids are used to my sense of humor and they know that I love them, so I have no problem demanding that they respect my personal space and need for down time. Some people might argue that my interaction with my son was completely inappropriate and that my job as a parent is to be at my kids beckon call 24/7.  I think those  people are wrong.

But the kid did get me thinking, I would change something. I’d get me a glass of wine to drink while enjoying my “Me” time, and I wouldn't change a thing about the way I’m teaching my kids about personal space. Not one fucking thing.

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  • I hate the invasion of space by critters. Big and small. My hubs has a tendency to do the same thing. WE need shirts that say "it's ME time" so when they start walking towards us, we just point to our chests and don't have to say anything. -Amy (@LLA_Princess)

  • In reply to AmyDownes:

    or hats. if i am wearing this hat, you cannot come near me! muah hahahahahhaa. xo

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    In reply to AmyDownes:

    Good idea Amy, I second that.

  • I REQUIRE "me" time to be a rational human being. Unfortunately, when I'm not getting enough of it (most of the time), my attempts to enforce it generally involve screechy-banshee me running through the house screaming, "I JUST NEED FIVE MINUTES!"

    That picture is ridiculous. Thank you.

  • In reply to momwriter:

    the picture is so horrible that i can't stop looking at it. it's perfect for how i feel. xo trac'

  • I totally know where you are coming from. I have those moments, then the "mom guilt" sets in. Damn it!
    Yes, that picture is gross...

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    "you're in my bubble!" Is pretty effective here. We get weird looks in public, though.

  • There was a comic once about a woman going nuts over her husband because he bought her a titanium deadbolt for the bathroom door for Valentine's day...
    My kids aren't allowed in my room. (Most of the time, but never ever in my bed.) The oldest slept with us for a few years when he was little and I never once got a good night's sleep. So in addition to my Me time, I need my Me space.

  • My spawn is a space invader. Sit in a booth and he's in your armpit instead of across the table. Sit on the sofa and he's pressed up against you instead of at the other end. I'm with you, Nikki. I need my "me" time and my space, and I'm not shy about drawing that line. And Greybeard, we use "get out of my bubble", too. The message is heard. Not always respected, but heard.

  • Hell, I'd be happy to start off with some wife time. If we even Think about hugging or kissing, not only is the 3 year old all up our asses, but so is the DOG. She starts whining and tap dancing around our feet--pet Meeeee, pet Meeeeee....

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    My kids and I have the same type of relationship. People think I am being mean to them when in reality...my kids know me. Some people do not like that I raise my kids to respect personal time and space. Some people do not like the way I speak to my kids....and I truly could care less. I really enjoyed your blog..I am not alone! :)

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    The personal bubble is a very important thing. I often feel like the woman with the sausage necklace,...and I'm just a teacher I don't even have kids yet - so I can't imagine. Love the interaction with you and your son (You made it quite clear that there are many other ways you interact, besides the humorous way, too).

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    Deja Vu! I just had this same convo with my husband, which was shortly followed by the same f*$king convo with my oldest...to which I replied, "Go ask your dad how this is going to turn out."

  • Can I get an AMEN! I've done a little McDreamy in my mind too. (More than once!) And McSteamy...I would love to try his maple scones!!!

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    I have one that pretty much tries to crawl inside of me and the other one doing gymnastics on my lap. I even mused last night why I bothered giving birth to the ankle biters since they seem to prefer to be up my ass on a regular basis.

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    In reply to Susan Mandarino:

    That made me LOL

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    OMG, I have a total girl-crush going on, so true, all of this. (I LOVE my kids, but this is why I buy my wine by the box-MY "juice box.")

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    I still have these issues even with the older ones. I have declared my hula hoop my "personal space ring". works quite well!

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